Alpha Male Traits In Relationships

There is a lot of discussion regarding alpha male characteristics when it comes to dating, but comparatively little when discussing alpha male traits in relationships. Is that because alpha males don't settle down?

Maybe that's what the stereotype would have you believe but reality is nothing like that at all. A strong and assertive male can and will settle down with a compatible female if that is the lifestyle he desires. So what traits will he show?

I subscribe to Mark Manson's point of view that the traditional alpha male stereotype is counter productive after a point. This applies not only to dating but also to serious relationships.

One might assume that an alpha male is completely dominant in the relationship, gets all the sex he wants and makes all the decisions. This is not the case at all, but neither is the opposite stereotype of the inevitable slide into a female led relationship where all your time is spent arranging cushions and visiting your in laws.

Life is not as simple as an alpha/beta divide. When you get into a serious loving relationship life would be boring, mundane and downright annoying if you conformed to those stereotypes.

The traits a true alpha male will show in a relationship are confidence, security and vulnerability.


Not misplaced arrogant confidence, but a high level of self esteem and respect for yourself. Confident in your own skin and confident in your ability to relate to your partner.

You need to be willing to stand up for yourself from time to time. You need to feel comfortable enough to pursue your own dreams and allow your partner to pursue hers, as well as creating a shared space for the two of you.

You need the confidence to give love, time and affection without being needy or expecting anything in return. For the more you give of yourself the more she will give of herself to you.


You need to know who you are and what makes you tick. You need to know what it is that you want from life. Only when you know yourself and you know what you want, can you really determine if you will be compatible with someone.

Security in yourself breeds stability. While we are always growing and changing, your partner can have confidence in your equilibrium and know that you aren't just out there swaying in the breeze.


Mark Manson makes the excellent point that a true alpha male trait is vulnerability. At first sight the conventional thinking places vulnerability as far away from "alpha maleness" as possible.

But when you think about it, it makes perfect sense. An alpha male is assertive, confident in himself and doesn't worry greatly about what other people think of him. So instead of pretending to have no insecurities, he should be completely at ease being open about his insecurity and making himself vulnerable.

This is the essence of a relationship. You have to open yourself up and let somebody else in. If you truly are comfortable doing that, then you are vulnerable. However this is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength. I think it is the most important alpha male quality and it really redefines traditional and misguided thinking in that area.

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