Learning how to be more humble will significantly improve your relationship.
If you are fighting a lot and getting frustrated then it's a good idea to take a step back and reflect on things.
Humility is not an absence of confidence, it is an absence of pride.
It doesn't mean you should shrink and be walked all over. What it means is that you can acknowledge your own shortcomings, accept constructive advice and be open to improvement.
It's an incredibly important trait to have if you want to be in a relationship that grows and doesn't stagnate.
How Do You Know If You Lack Humility?
There are tell tale signs of a person without humility.
We all display these characteristics from time to time. But if you think you display most of them most of the time, then you need to do something about your humility.
- You think your opinion is more important than hers
- You always want to get your own way
- You put you first and expect her to put you first. You never put her first
- You can't take her advice
- You don't admit when you are wrong
- You gloat when you are right
- You do not accept responsibility when you hurt her
- You blame her for the problems in the relationship
13 Ways To Be More Humble
1. Recognize Her Strengths
You are not supposed to be adversaries in a relationship. You are supposed to complement each other. Get in the habit of observing and recognizing all the excellent things that she brings to the relationship. This will stop you being so self absorbed.
2. Be Grateful For Her
Being part of a couple is always going to have its ups and downs. But at the end of the day the relationship survives because each of you recognizes that it's better to be part of your little team than not a part of it.
So be grateful for her as a person and be grateful for the partnership you have created between the two of you. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
3. Understand That She Has Something To Teach You
You are never the finished product. No person can ever claim to have learned everything in life and have no need to continue to grow.
Relationships are one of the best teachers, as they hold a mirror up to your flaws and cause you to address your shortcomings.
Be open to what you might learn from your girl and learn from the relationship itself. You don't know it all and learning these lessons will make you a better person.
4. Be Observant
Be more mindful of your own behavior and observe your girlfriend more intently. If you get into a fight try and be calm so you can see the bigger picture.
Often you can behave in a way without even realizing it, but once you pay attention to yourself and see, you can find a way to change.
5. Talk Less, Listen More
Women have the stereotypical image of talking too much but it's not always true. A man who lacks humility often shouts over his partner to explain why he is right and she is wrong and then shuts the conversation down.
Try to hear what she has to say. Don't just listen to the words but actually hear her. Her point of view is equally valid.
6. Accept When You Are Wrong
You can be wrong and it can be very hard to say. But you have to learn how to say it. Don't become a groveling pushover who apologizes for everything, but when you are in the wrong make sure to own up to it.
When it is a conflict within the relationship it's easy to blame her for starting the fight. But you also need to take your share of responsibility for when things go wrong.
7. Accept Your Imperfections And Shortcomings
Proud men have troubled identifying any chinks in their armor. But we all have our weaknesses somewhere. Even if you have managed to hide them all your life, a relationship will prod them and bring them to the surface.
Use this as an opportunity for personal growth. Avoid the temptation to resist change and to try and bury your imperfections.
My partner is very intense in everything she does, which can be draining for me and lead her to burnout. On the other hand I am very laid back to the point where I don't express a lot of emotion even when I'm having a great time. This has caused a bit of friction at times as I withdraw from her intensity and she wants me to have a bit more fire.
Yet we both see this as an area for growth. She wants to be more centered and lower the intensity. I want to have a little bit more passion and verve. It's an uncomfortable experience for both of us but we love the process.
8. Own It When You Hurt Her, Even Accidentally
Sometimes you can hurt your partner even if you didn't intend to. This can be hard to apologize for because you feel it is unjustified and that she is wrong for interpreting it incorrectly.
But fault is not absolved by good intentions. What is important is how she feels, and if she feels hurt or let down then you need to accept and take responsibility for that. It takes humility to do so, but she will feel more valued. If you brush aside her hurt as irrelevant then all it does is twist the knife.
9. Let Her Be Right
I admit that I like to be right. I have a bad habit of wanting to correct what I see as people's wrong opinions. But I have to override that temptation. Humility comes into it because I have to realize that my opinion is not necessarily more important than someone else's.
Letting your girl be right is a common piece of relationship advice that you will hear at every wedding.
But it takes a humble man to be able to pull it off and not let it bug him. You have to get used to the fact that your opinion is just that - your opinion.
10. Don't Always Feel The Need To Defend Yourself
Sometimes you just have to take the hit. There will be times where trying to explain yourself or justify yourself will only make things worse.
It may feel like you are at a Soviet Show Trial but perhaps the best thing to do is just take the guilty verdict without complaint.
11. Accept Her Advice
I struggle to take advice from anyone most of the time, especially my girlfriend. If I ask for advice it's okay, but when it is given unsolicited I can get frustrated.
You will get your fair share of unsolicited advice in a relationship. It can be tough to receive, and this is something I'm really working on doing better. You may feel attacked or hurt, but this is generally just a defensive reaction because she hit a sore point.
Don't reject the feedback. Reflect on it, discuss it, respond to it and change as a result of it. It can be difficult and it will be humbling but it may be for the best.
12. Be Kind When Giving Her Feedback
In the reverse situation there will be times when you need to give her constructive criticism and advice.
Be kind and gentle when delivering feedback on her performance in the relationship. You aren't there to knock her down a couple of pegs so you have the power.
13. Get Used To Being Uncomfortable
Relationships, by their very nature, take you out of your comfort zone. You have to get used to being made uncomfortable.
A proud man wants to stay in control and never be caught off guard. He never wants his weaknesses to be revealed.
You will develop your humility by accepting this loss of control. You can get caught off guard at anytime and be made to feel very uncomfortable. This is all part of the growth that happens between two people when they spend a lot of time together.
Learning how to be more humble is like any other skill. You have to start small, make progress bit by bit and get better over time.
If you put these pieces of advice into practice and commit to becoming a more humble man, then you will gradually get used to it.
It may be difficult at first but you will find that you will grow much closer to your girl. You will be glad you made the effort.
- The Importance Of Humility In Relationships
- How A Relationship Crisis Is A Chance For A Positive Change
- Why Personal Development In Relationships Is So Important
- 15 Easy Ways To Overcome Relationship Stress
- 9 Relationship Habits That Should Be Major Red Flags