Being a confident man and a secure man are like two halves of the same walnut. I focus a large deal of my attention on this site to insecurity, but confidence demands an equal amount of attention as well.
If you are confident then you are secure, if you are secure then you are confident.
The awesome thing about confidence and security is that they apply to any area of your life. Whether it is your job, relationships with women, sports or anything else, these traits will ensure you come out on top.
If you are having a problem with a specific issue in your life like finances or women then it makes sense to a certain degree to look at that issue in isolation. However more often than not when there is smoke there will be fire and there is never really one isolated issue. Often there are several compounding issues and what you really need to do is look at the root cause.
This is where it pays to take a good hard look in the mirror and accept that you have some bigger issues that need addressing. If you are having a crisis then you need to develop confidence and security.
The Confident Man
The Confident Man is a book by a like minded man called Graham Stoney. Graham has a very similar philosophy to myself about how a young man should consciously develop his own masculinity.
He knows that manning up needs to cover some basic fundamentals such as:
- Understanding the subconscious and learning how to use it
- Taking action
- Realizing there are no quick fixes
- Taking responsibility and not being a victim
- Stopping trying to make people like you
- Dealing with your emotional baggage
- Sorting out your relationships with your parents
When you man up other things in life will flow. It will remove the barrier that has been hindering many areas of your life.
I would like to pay particular attention to the issue of women. I have always been a firm believer that insecurity in relationships is symptomatic of a bigger confidence and insecurity issue. Graham is of a like mind in that he believes your confidence with women is a barometer which shows how confident you are overall.
Learning game for the sake of game gets you nowhere, but becoming a stronger man for your own sake will mean you will naturally be more attractive to women and more secure in your relationships with them.
For that reason a large part of the Confident Man book discusses confidence with women. Women have the ability to reveal our greatest insecurities so if you can conquer your fear in that arena you can conquer your fear anywhere.
The book has four sections. While you can read it from cover to cover it is more of a workbook in that you can target the particular areas that are relevant to you. I would advise reading the first two sections about mindset and emotions cover to cover and then reading the latter half on life skills as required.
Part One: The Confident Man Mindset
This is a crucial thing to understand. The external issues you face with confidence are not really external issues at all. What you see externally is a manifestation of your inner demons. You need to look in the mirror, delve into your subconscious mind and reprogram yourself to have a confident mindset.
Part Two: Mastering Your Emotions
The stereotype of an emotionless man is just that, a stereotype. The true man is not the type that suppresses emotion, as this is unhealthy, but the type that can master his emotions. This is an art and a skill and is something you must work on over time.
Part Three: Attracting Women
As I mentioned the test of your confidence and security is women. Likewise if you are an insecure man and want to really work on self improvement then women and dating is one of the best places to start. You will learn a lot about yourself and how to relate to people by getting out into the dating game.
Part Four: Life Skills And Experience
Having life skills and experience helps you in the dating world. It also helps breed confidence and make you a well rounded man. Life experience is not something that automatically comes with age. It is something you develop by thrusting yourself out of your comfort zone and into new experiences.
I recommend the Confident Man book as a quality resource to help you on your journey to becoming a secure man.