Finding the right girl is a quest that you will probably embark on after your last casual relationship crashed and burned and you have decided you now want something serious.
Good for you, deciding to settle down with a woman is a very rewarding thing to do.
The trouble is, how do you go about finding the right girl and how do you know if she is the one.
What To Do On Your End
Trying to find the right girl is only half about her. The other half is about you. You need to be in the right frame of mind and be clear about who you are and what you want.
In terms of the right frame of mind you need to be emotionally open. Everyone has baggage so you are allowed a little bit. But if you have some gaping scars make sure you deal with those before embarking on the hunt for the right girl.
Again given that everyone has baggage you need to be open to the fact that any woman is going to come with some. Avoid someone who has major issues but be aware that you can't run at the first sign of danger, because otherwise you will be running forever.
You need to be clear about what you want in a woman. For this it helps to know what you want in life and the traits and attributes that you value. Reflect on your past relationships and come up with some things that you would like to find.
This isn't about specifics such as physical appearance, nationality or who they vote for.
These are things like:
- The ability to talk openly about one's flaws
- Honesty and trustworthiness
- Similar ideas about lifestyle and children
- The ability to stand on her own two feet
- Passion and purpose in life
Be Open Minded In The Beginning Of A Relationship
No one knows foam the very outset whether or not they are with the right person. If you believe in love at first sight and this happens to you then that's great. For the rest of us all you can go off is the fact that the relationship has the potential to blossom.
As soon as that potential dies, so should the relationship. As soon as the potential strengthens and becomes more likely to blossom, you should be looking to take the next step.
This requires you to be open minded to potential. But it also requires you to show no fear when you have to pull the trigger. Eventually you need to either end the relationship so you can look for the right girl elsewhere, or you need to move it forward.
The worst thing you can do is let things stagnate. The other thing to avoid is moving forward out of obligation, not out of desire. That is why you can't let things run to long. You need to be decisive and make the decision to end it or move forward when the time is right.
How Do You Know You Have Found The Right Girl?
No one can answer that question but you. Even you will never really know for sure. At the end of the day there is no objective standard of "right girl" that someone is measuring you against. God won't tell you when you die that you got it right or you got it wrong.
Relationships are evolving things and whatever decision you make will be the right decision. This is because you will become a different person based on the choices you make. If you think she is the right girl then go for it and you will find a way to make it work.
There are some good guidelines to think about though, before jumping in. The Art of Manliness identifies five traits which I think sum up the question of whether or not she is the right girl very well:
- Things go smoothly from the beginning
- She gets along with your friends and family
- There is nothing major about her you want to change
- She is your best friend
- Marrying he doesn't scare her
In addition to that I think you know that you have found the right girl when the thought of being without her is an impossible thought. When despite all her flaws and imperfections you know that you just could not be without her.
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