Until quite recently I never really advocated one type of relationship over another.
I wouldn't have pushed casual dating, a long term relationship or marriage as the "thing you should be doing."
My attitude has always been to help you have better relationships - whatever type of relationship you were in or aspiring to be in.
That is still the case, but my personal attitude has changed slightly. I'm now all about marriage and I think that's what all young men should aspire to.
That doesn't mean you are there yet or even thinking about it at the moment. You still have to go through the phases of dating and serious relationship first - and I'll still be there with you every step of the way. But one day hopefully you will.
I'm not married, I'm not even engaged. Maybe this has all just come about because I'm getting older. But what I really think is happening is that I'm started to understand the importance of marriage as a social and cultural institution much more than I used to.
And with that I can see the damage that happens when marriage is shunned and rejected in favor of an uncommitted, carefree lifestyle. That lifestyle may give you a nice high for a couple of years, but ultimately in the long run it's unsustainable.
The key to true long term relationship happines, in my opinion, is a loving and respectful marriage.
So what I'm going to do in this post is try to convince you of why you should get married young.
Why You Should Get Married Young
1. Modern Culture Has Got It Wrong
Marriage used to be something that couples did while very young, before they embarked on an adult life together.
These days it's something you do after you have achieved all your other goals first. It's a cherry on the top of adulthood, rather than a foundation.
Education and career come first, along with what I would call lifestyle and relationship sampling. People want to be free to go where they want, do what they want and hook up with who they want.
That has a certain appeal and I completely understand that. But I think this modern desire for freedom at all costs leaves us unfulfilled and always chasing the next high.
Deep satisfaction in life comes from committment and stability. We do have a desire for novelty but we have a stronger desire for safety and security. That's what marriage provides.
2. Shopping Around Doesn't Work
There is a modern perception that you shouldn't commit to someone until you have taken them for a test drive.
That's why people move from dating, to a steady relationship to moving in together. They want to check that this person is right before they commit.
The problem is that the relationship becomes a constant assessment and evaluation. That process actually harms the partnership and means when things go bad people often take the easy way out and break up.
If you marry early you do the assessment quickly, then you make a decision to get hitched and then you get on with the relationship. It's not a constant evaluation because there's no longer anything to evaluate. You aren't testing the waters and deciding whether to commit. You are committed, so you get on with the hard task of loving that person.
If you take test drives, there is nothing stopping you from hitting 35 years old, with 3 or 4 serious live in relationships under your belt but nothing to show for it.
You need to get over this mindset of testing and discarding potential spouses. Find one, choose one, be decisive and get married. Then do the hard yards.
3. You'll Both Be Less Desperate
As you get older the pressure to find that long term partner increases. Particularly in women when the biological clock starts ticking. People get desperate as high quality candidates get taken off the market and the risk is that you just jump into marriage with anybody.
If you marry young it takes all this pressure off. You have less societal pressure, less biological clock pressure and you actually have more freedom to know that you are making the right decision.
Many people think they will be better placed to marry when they are older, when in fact it's much easier to do it young.
4. Growing Together Is Easier Than Trying To Merge Lives
When you marry young your adult life is less well formed than if you marry older. You still have a lot ahead of you in terms of your education and career.
You can embark on those challenges and grow together and move forward in life in a way that suits you both.
The idea of advancing your education and career first before marriage sounds good in theory. But the problem is that the older you get and the more you get set in your ways, the harder it will be to compromise when you do get married. Especially if she is also older and a bit more set in her ways.
Building a life together is much easier than trying to merge two lives that are already quite developed.
5. Having A Rock Solid Support Person Pays Dividends
The twenties are a difficult decade to navigate.
Modern thinking suggests that you confront the challenge of this decade without anyone else to hold you back or restrict your freedom.
But the trade off there is that you don't have that rock solid support system that a wife would bring to help you navigate those difficult waters.
Rather than being a burden to your development as a man, she can actually help you.
6. Playing The Field Is Actually Immature And Needy
You're a human and you have deep emotional needs. Men don't like to admit that, but you should.
In the absence of marriage, young men spend their twenties looking to fulfill their emotional and sexual desires from an assortment of one night stands, short term flings and casual relationships, with the odd long termer thrown in for good measure.
Admit it to yourself. This isn't about sexual conquest, gaining notches on your belt or trying as many different women as you can before settling down. It's about the craving you have for female companionship.
The best way to achieve female companionship in a way that meets your emotional needs is to get married. Simple and easy.
7. Enjoying The Benefits Without The Commitment Does You No Favors
Aside from testing the waters, most young men move in with their girlfriends because they want the benefits of marriage without the commitment.
Regular sex, a woman to come home to and a feeling like you are progressing your relationship.
But without the commitment of marriage each of you still has one foot out the door. You want all the benefits but are not prepared to make the commitment.
In the long run this doesn't actually help you. When the going gets tough, as it inevitably will, it's easy to start looking for an escape. Marriage holds you together in tough times and helps you to weather the storm. If you don't have that it's too easy to just abandon ship.
You have to actually make the commitment first, before you get the true benefits. You can't get them for free by being in a "marriage like" relationship, without actually tying the knot.
8. Marriage Is A Key Step In Mature Adulthood
I've always maintained that the difference between a boy and a man is that a boy is dependent, while a man is a provider.
If you can take care of yourself, but you don't provide for others then you are more than a boy, but less than a man.
Marriage is the start of becoming a provider. It's the bedrock of the family institution that will provide children for you to take care of.
I don't believe you can become a fully formed mature man until you are a husband and a father. It's better to start this young in order to speed up your manly development.
9. Marriage Is Not The End Of Fun
Our culture disparges marriage to the point where it is seen as the end of fun and the beginning of a life of drudgery and boredom.
This is not the case at all and is merely a poor representation by popular culture.
The hedonistic fun of the single twenties is really just a temporary high. That's why people who are still living that lifestyle in their thirties and fourties are seen as strange children who never grew up. It's not real life. Real life is career, marriage and family and you can not only have fun with all that, but deep emotional satisfaction.
And if you do marry young you can do all those fun things in your twenties with your wife by your side. Travelling, partying and enjoying your youth are better when hitched than they are solo.
If you are thinking about getting married but are worried about making the commitment, I recommend you check out the Fear of Commitment download from Hypnosis Downloads.
The dominant cultural voice of our time tells you to put off marriage and chase fun and freedom in your youth.
But just because that voice is the loudest doesn't mean it's right.
Marrying young has been the tradition for all of human history and maybe there is something to that.
I've been someone who chased freedom and found it hollow. Now I believe that marriage is the key to emotional happiness and that it's much better to marry young than to wait.