How To Handle Your Girlfriend's Emotional Baggage

You have to learn how to handle your girlfriend's emotional baggage if you want to stay with her and move the relationship forward.

It's easy to be tempted by all the people that tell you to run at the first sign of any baggage. But the reality is that everyone has emotional baggage to some degree and if you try and avoid it then you narrow your field down to those women who have never dated.

Especially as you get older, the exes start piling up and the past relationships were longer and more serious, baggage is inevitable.

Sure, you want an emotionally healthy and stable woman, but even the most stable woman will have some issues hidden away there. For those that aren't one hundred percent stable it doesn't mean they aren't worthy of love. You just have to learn to deal with the baggage.

Let Her Reveal It To You

It may become clear to you at some point in the relationship that your girlfriend has some emotional baggage. While a couple of gentle questions won't hurt and may prompt her to open up, if she doesn't then do not pry and do not try and force her to discuss the issue.

Let her reveal it in due course, in her own good time, without pressure. You might not even want to know and it is her right to tell you as much or as little as she is comfortable with.

The best thing is for you to have the need to know material and nothing more. The past was the past and you don't need to know everything.

Be respectful of that and you are off to a good start.

Accept The News With Minimal Emotion

When your girlfriend does finally reveal her baggage it might make you a little bit uncomfortable, depending on what the issue was.

It happened to me in one case, where I felt the issue that was causing her concern had actually been her fault and was a result of poor decision making of her part. It made be uncomfortable because I was surprised she had done what she had done and I didn't know what to think.

My advice is to be as neutral as possible in the moment. She will have been scared to tell you and scared of your reaction, worrying that the news will send you scurrying out of the relationship.

Take the news with a blank poker face and go an process the information privately.

Take some time to think about it and if you are uncomfortable then discuss it later. The time of the big reveal is not the time to be judgmental.

Support Her To Deal With The Baggage

If the baggage is to do with past romantic relationships then it is likely that there are some entrenched behaviors and habits that are unhealthy that have contributed to or caused the problem.

Help her to learn new relationship behaviors and habits regarding that particular issue.

For example she might apologise all the time unnecessarily because she learned that behavior from a past boyfriend who was always critical.

Your support in helping her move beyond that will be incredibly valuable to her.

But Accept That You Cannot Fix It For Her

While the male temptation is to try and fix all problems, you need to accept that this is something for her and her alone to fix.

You can be there for help and support, but that is all.

At the end of the day she needs to take responsibility for dealing with her issues and you cannot force that to happen on your timetable.

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