I'm not necessarily in favor of or against the "hook up culture."
My stance on the issue is that individuals should do what they want regardless of any culture or peer pressure.
If you want to hook up a lot that's fine, if you want a relationship and to settle down then that's fine as well.
But doesn't the prevailing culture affect you to some degree?
Yes, but only if you let it.
Part of becoming a man is developing some spine and some backbone and doing your own thing. Figure out what you want and pursue that, don't worry about what others say or think.
However if you are a man working to overcome your insecurities then the hook up culture can throw a few curve balls at you if you aren't careful. It shouldn't affect what you desire from a relationship, but understanding some of the dating and relationship trends of the moment will help you keep a bit of perspective when it comes to insecurities.
After all if you get rejected by a girl because you want something serious and she doesn't it is hardly a reason to be crestfallen and think that there is something wrong with you. It is just a girl who is out for a bit of fun, nothing personal.
How To Deal With Insecurities Within The Hook Up Culture
Don't Worry If You Are Getting What You Want
Just because everyone else is hooking up and getting laid doesn't mean you have to if you don't want to. There is no problem with a more traditional approach to wooing a woman. But don't stress too much if you aren't finding a whole lot who are suitable. Given that there is a hook up culture these women are fewer and harder to find. Be patient.
If you do want to get laid and find that it's not happening enough or at all, this is not a reason to feel insecure either. The nature of these hook ups is that they are flighty, a bit random and generally not very well thought out.
There is no depth to these relationships and people choose based only on superficial perceptions. A rejection or lack of partners is not a reflection on your shortcomings, it just means you do not meet the superficial immediate desires of that particular girl. That's okay, no reason to worry, just keep trying and eventually things will go your way.
Keep working on your confidence and self esteem as these are attractive traits both at the superficial and the deeper level. Additionally they are excellent both for flings, relationships and life in general. You can't go wrong if you work on those.
Remember Security Comes From Within
Becoming a truly secure man is something that does not come through validation from others. It comes from within.
So whether you find a woman or not, whether you get laid a lot or not, these things should not affect your security if deep down you are truly happy and comfortable with who you are.
If they do affect you it is a sign that you have more work to do on yourself. Again it's not a reason to feel downtrodden, just a signal that further development is required.
Accept That Part Of The Hook Up Culture Is Filtering
Back in the days of tribes and villages you couldn't have a hook up culture because your choice of wife was very limited. It is likely you knew everyone that was available, or at least your parents did as they might arrange the marriage.
The unlimited choice in partners that we experience in the modern day is quite new. There are far too many partners to choose from if you live in even a small to medium sized city.
So people have to develop filtering mechanisms. Part of the hook up culture is filtering. People hook up with a wide sample in order to find out what type of people they like.
So rejection is not really rejection. It is just a girl filtering you out. That's not to say that all girls will filter you out. If you meet enough women of course there will be some who filter others out and let you in.
You just have to accept that this is part of the relationship scene today and not take it too personally.
Keep Developing Yourself
Relationships will come and go. But who you are, who you want to be and your own personal development will always remain.
Don't let success or failure in dating and relationships define you.
Keep working on yourself, keep developing the skills and traits that you value. Accept that relationships are merely one part of your life.
Remember Girls That Align With Your Values Are Out There
If you dislike the hook up culture and wish you could find some girls who match your values you just have to remember that they are still out there.
There may be less of them and they may be harder to find, but they are there.
Any cultural movement, even if it is quite dominant, will capture everybody. Other subcultures still exist and traditionally dating is something that is alive and well, albeit in a minority.
So if you feel like modern dating and relationships are hitting you in the guts, again it isn't a reflection on you and you don't have to let it worry you. Just find people who align with what you want.
If You Fall For A Girl You Hooked Up With Find Out Where You Stand
This is arguably the most difficult aspect of the hook up culture. You start seeing a girl casually and then you realize that you really like her and want to move things forward. But you aren't sure if she feels the same way.
While it is fashionable to avoid labeling the relationship and leaving things open and fluid, if you really like this girl then you will have to find out where you stand.
Identify what you want out of the relationship and then have the talk. As annoying and awkward as it may be this is the only way you can find out if the relationship is going to go where you want.
If she says no then it will hurt a bit. Again this is no reason to feel slighted personally. If she just wants to keep things casual it isn't your problem, it is just where she is at in life.
However if you declare your hand and say you want to make things serious and she says no, stand up for yourself and end it there. If you keep hanging on because you think she might change her mind later that is a sure way to get your heart broken.
- Make Dating Easy
- Take Women Off The Pedastal
- How To Get Over Unrequited Love
- Overcoming The Fear Of Rejection
- Finding The Right Girl