Learning how to be a man does not provide an easy and convenient answer. The answer involves a long and hard process rather than an event.
But at what point do you think you actually turn the corner and become a man?
Is it when you grow your first pube? Is it when you finish high school? Bed your first woman? Turn 18? 21? Move out of home? Get your first job?
All of those are wrong. You become a man when you can provide for yourself and provide for others. Becoming a man isn't about reaching a certain age. It is a state of independence, responsibility and attitude. It's when people stop taking care of you and you start taking care of others.
Why is it important to know what it takes to be a man? Because if you want to know how to be a man you need to know at what point you cross a threshold and become one.
Rites Of Passage Do Not Make You A Man
In tribal societies most boys become men somewhere around the age of fourteen. Often they have elaborate ceremonies celebrating this rite of passage.
But it isn't the age or ceremony that makes them a man. It is the fact that they have reached a point where they can provide for themselves and their tribe as an equal.
They don't need anybody watching their back or feeding them. They can perform all the tasks required by a man in that society.
We have rites of passage in our society but none of them specifically for our coming of age as a man. Graduations and 21st parties are there, but they don't signify manhood. Because turning 21 doesn't mean you can hold your own as an adult in society.
The Modern Transition Phase That Keeps Us As Boys
That phase of moving into economic independence comes gradually in our society. For example a boy might move away to college. But he still relies on his parents for money and a place to stay over summer. He has some freedom, but is still economically depedent. So he is not yet a man.
This creates a weird transitionary phase. When we become physically mature as men at 12-16 we are still well under the thumb of our parents and at schools where we are treated as children
We turn 18 and 21 but most people are either still living at home or relying on their parents in some way. For most it isn't until their early to mid 20s that they achieve that economic independence and cut all ties.
In tribal societies the transition from boy to man happens quickly. Those boys pick up their nuts and become men. For us we drag it out over 10 years or so.
We are more than boys but not yet men. We want to be a man but we are stuck in the middle as a lad or a guy. So even when we achieve that economic independence the laddish attitude still remains. It takes some time for a manly attitude to come through and for some people it never does.
It's Harder But You Can Man Up In The Modern Day
Unfortunately you can't become a man these days at 14. You have to put up with the fact that this society will prevent you from becoming a man even when you are physically ready and your hormones tell you that you are.
But the key thing is to not allow yourself to get sucked into the transition stage for too long. The longer you stay dependent on others the harder it is to extract yourself.
As soon as it is possible you need to start supporting yourself. Don't rely on your parents. Do whatever it takes to wrest responsibility for your existence and put it in your own hands. Then you will learn how to be a man.
Remember manhood is a state of independence, responsibility and attitude. No one bestows it upon you, you must reach out and grasp it for yourself.
- Military Leadership Skills - Lessons In Manliness
- Man Up! Warning - What Will Happen If You Don't
- How Society Emasculates Men And How To Stop It Happening To You
- How To Be A Man In The Modern World