How To be Charismatic

Learning how to be charismatic is useful for many aspects of life. It will help you in your career, in your personal relationships, in dating and just life in general.

We all have at least a little bit of charisma but you can always have more.

Developing this attribute in yourself is a big step in personal development because it is so wide ranging yet also delivers such a big impact.

First of all what is charisma?

It is a hard word to define but essentially it is something that inspires and draws in others through confidence, communication and excellent social skills. Charisma is not one trait or attribute in itself. Rather it is the combination of several different ones. It is getting the mix right that is important. If you have some traits but not others you won't necessarily be charismatic.

You may already have some of these attributes well developed. The key is to identify this and develop the ones where you are lacking.

The most important mix is sincerity, attention and gravitas.


A charismatic man has a certain powerful presence about him. He is confident and his talk and actions carries weight. People respect him.

He isn't a brash arrogant wannabe alpha male - that person doesn't have sincerity or give attention - but he knows who he is and isn't afraid to show it. He knows that he adds value to the world.

Developing gravitas is difficult. It is something you acquire through life experience. The more challenging the experience the more you acquire. That is why top business executives, politicians or military officers carry a certain air. They have been through challenging times and emerged as a tough character with strong leadership characteristics.

In order to develop this you need to challenge yourself on a regular basis. Set yourself lofty goals and push yourself out of your comfort zone in order to reach them. This isn't something you can do overnight but it is something that you can make a habit of and reap the benefits in time.

It helps also to work on your physical fitness and your posture. This is something that can be developed in the short term. Learn to speak slowly and with authority. Dress sharp.


It is often said that the most charismatic man in the world is Bill Clinton. Apparently he has the ability to make someone feel like they have his full and undivided attention and that they are the most important person in the room.

It may be hard to pull this off with the natural swagger of Bill Clinton, but this is an attribute that can be developed.

Start actively trying to make people feel comfortable when you are engaging with them. Make them feel like they have your full attention. Make eye contact and hold it for a long time.

Ask people questions to show that you are interested in them.

Be a good listener by actively listening rather than merely thinking about the next thing you are going to say. You have to keep in the moment and avoid letting your thoughts wander all over the place while you talk to people.


Gravitas alone without giving people attention may make people think you are an asshole because you only care about yourself. By giving the floor to others you show that you care.

However it must be genuine and sincere. You have to actually care about others - you can't just fake it. Bravado, confidence and gravitas can be faked to a degree but not attention and definitely not sincerity.

You have to actually be interested in people. If you aren't then you have some real work to do.

Be empathetic to the plight of others, don't denigrate them, put them down or belittle their problems.

Put others at ease, smile and show that you care.

Being caring, sincere and attentive without a powerful presence can make you into a whimpering groveler, but a powerful presence without either of these things will have people turning off you real fast.

It is the combination of the three that will make you a winner.

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