How To Find A Girlfriend

Learning how to find a girlfriend is less about understanding women and more about understnding yourself.

It's not about knowing the right thing to say or going to the right clubs.

It's about being physically and emotionally ready for a relationship, knowing what you want in a woman and being unafraid to put yourself out there.

If you can do those things effectively, you will see that finding a girlfriend is just a matter of time.

If you spend too much time focusing on what to say or how to dress or where to look, (not that those things are unimportant), you neglect the most important thing.

And that is making sure you are in the right head space.

6 Tips For Finding A Girlfriend

find a girlfriend

1. Get Emotionally Ready

I think this is one of the most overlooked aspects when it comes to finding a girlfriend, but is actually the crucial step.

If you aren't in the right emotional space to date and find someone for a relationship then it's just not going to happen for you.

You need to do the relevant work on yourself to make sure you are emotionally stable, confident, have good self esteem and are not needy.

In particular this means getting over your ex or any other emotional baggage you might be carrying around with you.

You don't have to solve these issues 100% before you starting looking for a girlfriend, but they need to be pretty well under control.

If you are a needy, desperate clinger who needs a woman to feel good about himself then high quality girls will run a mile. So sort yourself out first.

2. Get Physically Ready

As well as being emotionally ready for a girlfriend you also need to be physically ready.

Dating isn't something you should pursue for its own sake. It's something you should do in order to progress to a serious relationship and ultimately to marriage.

You need to have your life sorted on your own to a large degree before you start down this road with someone else.

This means you have started a career, have your financial life in order and are taking care of your physical health.

Women don't want to date someone who is a deadbeat slob.

3. Know What You Want

Dating shouldn't be done indiscriminantly but instead done with purpose.

In order to do that you need to actually know what you are looking for in a woman.

What values are traits are really important to you and what things are non negotiables and red flags?

The idea here isn't to be picky, but rather to at least know what you are aiming at.

You wouldn't go for a job interview in an industry you are unqualified in and have no interest in. In the same way you shouldn't be dating someone who isn't the right fit.

A great technique to help you work out what you like in a woman is to write down on paper every qualitiy you didn't like in your previous girlfriends.

Then, once you have the list, change that word into its opposite and positive meaning.

For example if you wrote down "selfish" you would write down "giving" as it's opposite. If you wrote down "annoying" you would write down "mature."

4. But Don't Be Too Picky

Now you have thought about what it is you want in a woman. But the risk here is you become too picky and try to use that list as a checklist.

It's not a checklist!

Nobody is going to tick every box and you can't date with that in mind.

The point of that exercise was to help you crystallize the type of person that you are looking for, not their exact characteristics and traits.

No woman is going to fit you 100% and that's okay. The best you can ever hope for is that they match at about 85%. The beauty of a relationship is that the remaining 15% you build together.

The main thing is you know what is important to you and you go after that. Know the stuff that matters and ignore the rest.

5. Meet A Lot Of Women

Now and only now is where you need to actually think about going out to meet women.

It's at this point where dressing right and having some interesting conversation actually matters.

But don't get too hung up on that stuff. As long as you have basic social skills and are prepared to make an effort and put yourself out there then you will be fine.

A lot of people meet girlfriends through friends or colleagues. So make sure you are keeping up your networks and doing as many social things as you can, regardless of whether you think you might meet a girl there.

Find an online dating site or dating app that you like and sign up there. There are thousamds of single women out there looking for a date as well.

Use real life and online together. Put yourself out there and meet lots of women and be patient. Eventually the right girl will walk into your life.

6. Execute The First Few Dates, Ruthlessly Filter And Make Her Your Girlfriend

Once you are meeting women and going on dates you then have to take it up a notch and make her your girlfriend.

The first key to this is executing the first few dates successfully so you have the opportunity to move things forward if you wish.

Be charming, be a gentleman, get to know her and plan interesting and exciting dates.

However, just because you have captured the interest of a woman doesn't necessarily mean she is the right one for you. Based on what you are looking for you need to ruthlessly filter.

You are only going to marry one woman, but you are going to meet many more prior to that happening. So you have to learn the process of filtering and moving on.

Some girls you know after one or two dates that she isn't right. At that point do both of you a favour and end it politely.

Sometimes it takes a few weeks or months. But as soon as you know it's not right then don't drag it out.

Once you have found someone who you really click with you should find that you naturally move forward from dating to girlfriend and boyfriend without much fuss.


A lot of advice on how to find a girlfriend will focus on the things you should say and the places you should look.

It's not wrong but I think it overlooks the most important thing - which is you.

Get yourself to a place where you know what you want and are datable yourself.

Then all you have to do is put yourself out there, meet women and go on dates and you will find a girlfriend in no time.

Working on yourself is harder, but it's necessary.