Are you worrying about what you said, what she said or what she might think? Are fretting over whether she loves you or is about to leave you or is cheating on you?
You need to learn how to stop obsessive thoughts once they start and before they before they have too much of a negative impact.
Obsessive thoughts are quite common in most people at some stage of their life. However negative fear based obsessions can have a detrimental effect on your mental state and your relationships if you don't learn to nip them in the bud. The issue is actually less about the fact that you are obsessing over certain thoughts. Having intense and repetitive positive thoughts is not a bad thing.
The issue is with the impact that these thoughts are having on you, rather than the fact that you are having so many thoughts on repeat.
The impact comes down to how you react to the obsessive thoughts. Do you freak out or do you take a measured approach to find a solution?
How To Stop Obsessive Thoughts
It can be difficult to switch off these thoughts. After all you didn't choose to flick a switch to start them, so you cannot easily flick a switch to end them.
Identify The Fear
The first thing to do is to identify the fear that these thoughts are causing you. Often the thoughts come so fast and can be confusing that it is not immediately clear what is actually bothering you.
Slow down, take some time and actually figure out in concrete terms what is actually causing the problem. I find it helps to write these things down.
Is There An Underlying Cause?
Often the thing that is throwing up problems for you is merely the symptom of a greater underlying cause. Tackling the problem is helped if you can identify what this underlying issue may be. If you know your enemy you will find it a lot easier to deal with.
Again take a pen and paper and write your thoughts down. This will help uncover the root issue.
Logic alone is not going to overcome a subconscious emotional reaction. However it can play a part in helping.
These obsessive thoughts are caused by something you perceive or imagine to be real, not something that is actually real.
Understand that difference because it is an important distinction. Your thoughts are not real. That doesn't mean they are unimportant, but logically tell yourself that this is being caused by perception not reality.
The good news is that perception is changed much more easily than reality and it is in your power to change it.
Imagine The Worst
Take whatever fear is bothering you and follow the line of thinking to its logical conclusion. What if the worst happened?
Imagining that scenario might not be nice. But at the same time know that the sun will still come up tomorrow. You will survive and sometimes this alone can help keep the obsession in check.
Get A Mate's Perspective
It is easy to get so caught up in our own head sometimes that we lose perspective. Sit down with a trusted friend or family member and talk through your problems. They may shed some light and perspective on the issue.
Calm Your Mind
Learning a technique to slow down your mind is very helpful in this situation. This is healthy for everyone but is particularly beneficial if your mind is racing and you can't switch off.
Own mind's are always generating thoughts but we can learn techniques that slow this process down. This results in significant restorative healing.
These things include meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, qigong and hypnosis.
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