Humility in relationships is one of the keys to success. Often people mistakenly focus on traits like confidence. In fact being humble has a much greater impact.
Relationships are an exercise in personal growth. If you are resistant to change because you arrogantly think that you know it all already, it won't work.
Your partner will tire of you if you don't ever give an inch. Any compromise will happen more easily when you are open to your shortcomings. To be willing to listen requires humility.
Why Humility Is More Important Than Confidence
Scott H. Young has identified a key reason why people over inflate the importance of confidence. They say they want more confidence, when it fact they want an increased level of skill.
If you have confidence that far exceeds your skill level, people will see through that. They will think you are arrogant. If you focus on increasing your skill instead, then confidence will lift as well. Yet this way your confidence will never get too far ahead of your skill.
When it comes to dating and relationships a lot of men want to be more confident with women. That's important but if you only have confidence and very little social skills you won't present well. If you focus on improving your social skills and your relationship skills then your confidence will lift.
Humility is not the opposite of confidence, it's the opposite of pride. So this is not to say that confidence is bad, just that confidence alone is no guarantee of skill.
If you are confident and proud you will not be able to improve your skill. Your pride will shut you off from any self reflection or self improvement. If you are confident and humble you are better able to acknowledge your shortcomings and work to improve them.
This is crucial in a relationship because it is inevitable that your shortcomings will be revealed and you have to find a way to manage despite them. You need to be open to improvement in a relationship.
You get this from improving your skill while staying humble. Not by improving your confidence and being proud and arrogant.
Check out these excellent articles on humility:
- Understanding the Role Humility Plays in Everyday Life
- The Virtuous Life: Humility
- Humility is More Important Than Confidence
6 Reasons Why You Should Stay Humble In Your Relationship
1. It Makes You Open To Improvement
Life is a journey of personal growth. Relationships have this annoying habit of holding a mirror up to your flaws. Being close with a person does that to you as you have the ability to annoy and frustrate each other.
You have to accept that you aren't perfect and work with your girlfriend to meet in the middle. If you aren't humble you won't be able to reflect on where you can grow and improve.
2. You Are Able To Say Sorry
Men like to be right and we hate admitting we are wrong. But sometimes you will be wrong and you will have to be man enough to admit it. Sometimes (often) you will be right but will have to say you are wrong anyway to keep the peace.
It takes a humble man to be able to do this. Proudly needing to be right all the time is a guaranteed way to create friction in a relationship.
3. You Can Accept Advice
People who can't handle advice or constructive criticism frustrate me. Yet I notice this trait in myself all the time. It is something I am consciously working on. You have to be able to let your significant other give you help, pointers and advice from time to time.
Not incessantly where she is nagging. But constructive advice that two emotionally healthy people will give each other.
4. You Can Acknowledge You Haven't Got It All Figured Out In Life
I'll admit it. I like to think that I've got most things figured out. But I have to swallow my pride sometimes and accept that I don't. I have to acknowledge my own limitations and be aware of what I don't know.
Relationships are a great mystery and building a life with someone is a very difficult task. You will always be finding out new things about them and them about you. To be open to exploring this phenomenon with someone you have to be able to admit you haven't got it all figured out.
5. You Can Put Your Girl's Needs Before Your Own
The best part about relationships is that you have someone looking out for your needs. You aren't riding solo and someone has got your back. You should always try to put your girl's needs before your own. If you do that for her and she does that for you, you end up in a virtuous cycle of giving. It's much better than if each of you always puts yourself first.
But to do this you have to be humble. You have to be able to say to yourself, "my needs are not as important." That is very hard for an individual with a lot of pride to do. If you are humble, you are better able to give.
6. You Can Forgive
Holding grudges in any relationship is destructive. But this is particularly so in romantic relationships. Sometimes your partner will do something that she has to apologize for. You will be tempted not to accept that apology, to hold a grudge and punish her for it. Your pride won't be able to handle the fact that her actions have slighted you.
But if you accept that she is a human that is going to make mistakes, and that you are not so big that no one should ever hurt you, then you will be able to forgive. If you are humble you will be able to let it go much easier.
If you are focusing on improving your confidence with women you might be heading in the wrong direction.
Forget about confidence for a while and focus on improving your skill and you humility. Confidence will come later.
Being humble means you will be able to connect much more effectively with a woman and you won't risk coming across as an arrogant jerk.
- Why Men Display Insecurity In Relationships
- Overcoming Jealousy - How To Banish The Green Eyed Monster
- Jealousy And Insecurity - What's The Difference?
- The Causes Of Jealousy
- You Need To Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend