There are plenty of things that make men insecure that most women simply don't care about.
Or if they do care, it's simply a personal preference and not a reason for you to be concerned that you don't measure up.
You shouldn't wind yourself in knots worrying about things that really don't matter.
It is impossible to live up to any woman's vision of an ideal man. And nor should you have to. You should work on being the best person you can be for your sake, and the right woman will accept you, flaws and all.
Perhaps you have a feature that some women don't like, but others do. It's no reason to feel insecure just because some percentage of the population have a certain preference.
The easiest solution is to stop caring about what people think and to just enjoy being you.
1. Your Sexual Experience And Skills In The Bedroom
Men who are inexperienced in the bedroom are often insecure about their lack of previous partners, skills and experience.
Most women don't care about this. If she is prepared to go to bed with you it's because she likes you and wants to enjoy a sexual experience with you. She doesn't care how many previous partners you have had.
What will frustrate her is if you are openly paranoid about it and she has to calm your nerves and talk you through it. That takes away from her experience. If you just relax and go with the flow instead, everything will be great.
The important thing to know is that no matter how many people you have been with previously or how much sex you have had, it is different with each person. You have to start again each time to figure out what each other likes. It's a shared experience that you create, it matters little where you both have been before.
So for you it's a new experience with her, and for her it's a new experience with you. You are both on a level playing field in that regard.
Over time you will improve your skills and get better. But we all have to start somewhere and if you are inexperienced then it's no reason to feel any less of a man.
2. Lasting Long Enough
Porn, the media and popular culture have fueled the idea that you have to last for a long time in order to please your girl. They give the impression that if you can't you are less of a man and must be terrible in the bedroom.
Coming quickly isn't something to be insecure about. Sometimes it's nice to have a long slow love making session and sometimes it's great to have a quickie.
Not all women want sex to last for ages and actually going too long can make them feel dry and irritated.
Some women will enjoy the fact that they turn you on so much that you can't hold out any longer.
If you do come unexpectedly quick it's not a disaster. You can recover from it and she won't think you are sexually incompetent.
What is more important is that you put the time and effort into the entire love making session. This can mean foreplay and oral sex. If you then don't last too long during intercourse it's not the end of the world. You can always fool around for a bit and then go again after a short wait. You will last much longer second time around.
3. Your Penis Size
This a common insecurity that you and almost every man has probably dwelled on at some stage of his life.
The reality is that penis size does not matter at all. It is a completely artificial construct that men compare against each other without every actually being able to compare, since men rarely see other men's erect penises.
That mystery is in fact the reason that men feel insecure. You haven't seen many dicks so you don't know where you stand. But since the woman you are going to be with has seen more dicks than you, she knows and you don't, and you worry she is silently judging you.
The reality is that some women might like the novelty of a well hung man for a one night stand but in a relationship it's more important that her bits and your bits are a good fit. Vaginas come in different widths and depths as well and will adjust to accommodate you. Many women don't even like too large a size because it can be too awkward and difficult for her to manage. It actually makes things less enjoyable.
People have sex with people, not body parts. If you are the right man for her then you are the right man for her, regardless of how big your dick is. In the same way that you might enjoy big boobs, you aren't going to reject the love of your life because she has a small cup size.
You have other ways of pleasing her as well, and remember a big penis doesn't necessarily make you any better in the bedroom. A small penis can get the job done well.
If you need more convincing here are some good articles:
- 11 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Worry If Your Penis Is
Big Enough by Thought Catalog
- Size Insecurity: Why We Care And Where We Rank by The Good Men Project
- True Story: I Prefer Small Penises by The Frisky
4. Making Her Cum
It's great if you can make her cum easily. But if it's difficult or it's not happening at all then it's not something for you to feel insecure about.
The ease with which a woman can cum has a lot to do with how in touch she is with her body and her sexuality as well as the communication between the two of you. It's not a simple case of if you can make her cum you are good and if you can't you are bad. It might be nothing to do with you at all.
If she can't cum easily making it a goal is only going to increase the pressure and prevent you both from enjoying yourselves. It's much better to enjoy the process of sex and enjoy spending physical time with each other, without worrying about whether there is a big climax at the end.
Men are wired to try and get to the climax because that's how we enjoy sex. But for women it's more about the process. Sure a climax is a great thing but if it doesn't happen one time, or often, then it isn't a reason to worry.
What you need to do is keep having sex, keep communicating, keep gradually trying new things. She will still enjoy herself.
5. Your Height
Being short is an insecurity that afflicts many men. Some genuinely are much shorter than average, while there are others who aren't that short but perceive themselves to be disadvantaged by their height.
The problem is that there is nothing that you can do about it. Almost every other body insecurity can be dealt with by hard work or surgery, but your height is something you are stuck with.
As someone who is 5'11" and doesn't know what the struggle is like I thought I would turn to Quora and Reddit to find a guy and a girl's perspective on height insecurity.
It's not easy to overcome this insecurity. It's not as simple as saying "the discrimination is all in your head, people don't care," because they do. Society unfairly discriminates against short men.
The question is what are you going to do about it? Are you going to be a victim or are you going to make the most of life.
It's perfectly understandable why short men are insecure about being short. But you don't have to be, and if you want to be a badass, you shouldn't be.
6. Your Hair
Too much body hair, not enough body hair, receding hairline, no facial hair.
Men are very insecure about their hair and often want more or less of it in various places on their body.
Yes, some women have preferences. But the good news is that those preferences are very diverse. Some women love hair, whether it's on your head, your face or your chest, and some are happy without.
It's not worth being insecure about it because chances are most women (and other men for that matter) don't care. And if you are with a girl who does care about your hair then get rid of her and find someone who find whatever you have got going on attractive.
7. Body Image
Insecurity over body image is more off putting to most people than the actual issue you might be insecure about.
Most people, women or men, are attracted to confident people who are sure of themselves and comfortable with who they are.
It doesn't matter whether you look like Brad Pitt or not. If you are confident in who you are women will find you attractive.
Women's taste in men is very diverse. There are always going to be some women who find you attractive, whatever body type you are.
We all have some small body insecurities and things we would like to change. But as long as they don't get in the way of your self esteem then they are pretty harmless.
If you have a major hang up over your body image, that is going to be more difficult. Just make sure you know it's the hang up that gets in the way, not the actual thing you are concerned about.
Body image is not worth being insecure about, because even if you made the improvements you wanted then the insecurity will still be there. It's a mental, not a physical issue. Instead, learn to stop being insecure about it and it won't be a problem.
Work out, eat healthy and develop your body because you want to. Not because you are insecure about it or because you want to impress women.
8. Your Masculinity
Manliness is not about bravado and macho swagger. It's not about your appearance, your bank account, how much you drink or how many women you have slept with.
Manliness is about certain character traits. For me the main one is that you take care of yourself and don't sponge off others. If you have a family you provide for them as well.
It's about being honest, having conviction, moral courage, and following your own path through life.
Many young men are insecure about the fact that they don't fit the stereotype of the false macho alpha male. They think their masculinity doesn't scratch up.
Forget about that sideshow and just work on developing your real manly character. This type of manliness is not a competition and it's not about measuring up. It's just about being the best person you can be.
9. Your Money
How much money you have is irrelevant. It's not something to be insecure about.
No one cares how much money you have in your bank account. What they do care about is your attitude and ambition.
Being poor is not unattractive. But if you are poor because you shameless sponge off the hard work of others while having no drive, ambition or productivity yourself, then that is unattractive.
A boy is fed, clothed and housed by his parents. A man should be fed, housed and clothed by himself. If you aren't then by definition you must be sponging off someone else while they work to support your lifestyle.
On the other hand if you have goals, hustle and are working towards something then that is attractive regardless of how much is in your bank account.
That's why guys at high school and college have no trouble getting girls. They might not have much money but they are working towards something. That's very different to the 35 year old still living at home unemployed and playing computer games, who might have a bit more cash but a much different attitude.
Difficult financial times are a reality. Whether that is due to the economy, a bit of bad luck or because you are just starting out in life, a good woman will stand by you. There's no need to be insecure about that.
But if you are a grown man who can't provide for himself because you are too lazy or unmotivated or think you are above hard work, then you need a good hard look in the mirror.
10. Being Cool
High school is only a few short years of your life but it can have a disproportionate influence on how you feel about yourself.
The need to fit in and the insecurity you feel at not fitting in has a damaging effect. Instead of developing your character to become a better man, you try and develop yourself to please others. It doesn't make you happy and it comes across as fake.
Being cool doesn't matter after high school, but it doesn't stop people trying. From college dorms, to offices, to nightclubs you will see people trying too hard to be accepted.
What you slowly come to realize as you get a bit older and wiser is that what the crowd thinks doesn't matter and it's not something worth being insecure about.
What is more important is that you nurture a small number of deep relationships with people close to you, rather than trying to please a crowd. It's more important to develop traits like humility, kindness and tenacity than to stand out and be popular.
11. Dating Etiquette
How long should you wait before texting back? Should you kiss her on the first date? When should you say "I love you?"
There are all sorts of dating dos and don'ts. I'm a big believer in etiquette and you shouldn't write it off as snobby and pretentious. Rather it is the accumulated collective wisdom of generations.
However etiquette should be seen as a guide to help you in certain situations, not a dogma. You shouldn't allow yourself to be held back just because you don't know if you are doing to right thing or not.
When in doubt, do what feels right. Chances are, the girl you are dating won't care. No one really knows what they are doing. People are looking for a connection, not someone who strictly follows social convention to the letter.
Don't disregard dating etiquette altogether but there is no need to feel insecure if you feel like you don't know what to do next. Just follow your nose and if it was meant to be then things will work out fine.
A lot of the common things men are insecure about are not really worth wasting negative energy on.
Whatever it is that you are feeling insecure about - most women won't care. And if they do then they aren't the right match.
It's more important that you are a man of good character, rather than looking a certain way, being cool or having a lot of money.
Remember women's taste in men is very diverse and what is attractive to one may not be attractive to another. There is no way you will ever be seen as attractive or a good match for all women, so there is no need to feel insecure just because some aren't into you for whatever reason.
Work on becoming a better man and any insecurities or problems with women will melt away.
- Why Men Display Insecurity In Relationships
- Overcoming Jealousy - How To Banish The Green Eyed Monster
- Jealousy And Insecurity - What's The Difference?
- Overcoming Insecurity: How To Stop Being Paranoid About Your Girl
- You Need To Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend