Insecurity kills relationships because the fear of hurt, loss or a break up sets off a chain of events that ultimately results in the very thing occurring that an insecure person is afraid of.
In a healthy relationship the partners should be mutually supportive, not bossy or controlling. They should be strong as two individuals and strong as a couple without one constantly needing to reassure the other.
1. Insecurity Creates Tension and Mistrust
An insecure person will take anything as a reason to be mistrusting. They see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear.
It may be something flippant or hurtful that was said unintentionally and pounced upon by the insecure person.
They will fixate themselves on small details, and once an idea has been latched onto they will never let it go.
2. The Healthy Partner Becomes Distant
As one partner becomes more and more insecure the other will become more and more distant. This is an exercise in self preservation, as it is incredibly difficult to be close to someone that appears to have it in for you.
It becomes easier to say nothing, as any accidental misspoken word could be construed in the wrong way.
Break up might not be on the mind right now but the desire to pull away gradually in order to protect oneself starts to make things worse.
3. The Insecure Person Becomes Needy
As the initial insecurities drive one partner to become distant this further fuels the fires of insecurity and results in a needy and annoying childlike response.
The insecurity was caused by a fear of loss and witnessing the partner pulling away seems to confirm these deepest darkest fears, So the neediness emerges and the desire for constant reassurance that everything is okay.
Everything is not okay but often the answer at this stage will always be, "yes everything is fine." A clear lie that both parties see right through.
4. The Healthy Partner Becomes Resentful
As the neediness and desires for reassurance grow the healthy partner pulls away even further. By now they start to feel very resentful and may start lashing out at the insecure party.
The guilt may prolong the relationship but ultimately the resentfulness will grow to such a level that things get to breaking point.
Something has to give and it's not the insecurity, it's the relationship.
5. The Inevitable Break Up
If the downward spiral is not arrested the break up will become inevitable. It may even be initiated by the one who is insecure because they know the writing is on the wall. They instinctively know where things are headed and feel the fear of getting hurt. So they pull the pin now, rather than waiting for their partner to.
Alternatively the distant and resentful partner will say enough is enough and walk away.
Either way it was a self fulfilling prophecy. Insecurity kills relationships.
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