Dealing with a jealous girlfriend is an exercise in subtlety and tact. It can be a challenge.
If you want the relationship to survive you have to support her as she deals with the problem.
You have to be able to do this without antagonizing her and making things worse.
It is a fine line but something that is very possible if you love this woman and are committed to survival of the relationship.
Signs A Woman Is Jealous
Sometimes the jealousy creeps up on you without you really noticing it until it is out of control. The earlier you can catch it the easier it is for you and her to deal with it. If you don't realize she is jealous you might inadvertantly be behaving in a way that is perfectly acceptable but brings out the green eyed monster in her.
Look for the following signs in order to determine if your woman is displaying jealousy tendencies:
- She doesn't like the fact you have female friends
- She is uncomfortable with you spending time alone with any other woman
- She asks questions and appears uncomfortable about your female co-workers
- She is suspicious of what you do on boy's nights
- She can't handle you looking at other women, even on TV.
- She calls you constantly
Is It Worth Dealing With?
Just because your partner has an issue with jealousy does not mean that you have to leave her. But if this is serious and major jealousy then it is something that you might want to consider.
Leopards don't change their spots, as the saying goes. Many relationships fail when one partner tries to change something fundamental about the other. If your woman is a fundamentally jealous and insecure person and looks like she will never change then it probably isn't worth your time. If you are committed to growing and personal development then you will be held back by a jealous girlfriend with serious emotional problems. It's not abandoning her, it's just recognizing that you are incompatible.
However for relatively minor jealousy it is something you can work through if you both wish. And if you do the relationship will be stronger for it. We all have flaws and we are all growing and developing as people. The fact that she gets a little jealous does not need to mean the end of the relationship or a descent into a very turbulant and painful partnership.
Having said that you need to understand that if she is to overcome her jealousy then she has to do it herself. Your support and reassurance will benefit and it will help if you don't do anything to make it worse. But ultimately the drive must come from her. You cannot change her and you cannot force it.
How To Deal With A Jealous Girlfriend
So while she has to be the one who deals with her own emotional issues there are things you should avoid that will make it easier for her. Remember you need to be a gentleman here:
Be subtle when you check out other women
There is no way you can avoid checking out other women altogether. We all do it and even if you try I doubt you will be able to totally abstain. Just keep it subtle and avoid ogling. This is something that you should be doing as a gentleman anyway.
Avoid talking about female celebrities
We all have our favorites. Among most couples it is harmless to talk about the celebrities we like. But when dealing with a jealous girlfriend make sure to avoid this topic.
Don't criticize her appearance or compliment her by comparison
This should go without saying but don't tell her she needs to change anything about herself, it will only fuel her insecurity. If you compliment her by comparing her to other women she could get angry with the fact you checked out other women in the first place. So instead of saying "You are the most beautiful women at this party," just leave it with "You're beautiful."
Don't withdraw even more if she is bombarding you with calls
The natural reaction when you have a snooping jealous girlfriend who calls all the time is to withdraw in order to protect your privacy. If you have done nothing wrong but she insists on constant calling it is easy to become more secretive. Make a conscious effort to do he opposite and become more open.
As well as avoiding certain behaviors that could antagonize her, there are things you can do that will support and help her.
Talk and improve communications
The worst thing you can do is get frustrated with a jealous girlfriend. You have to do your best to understand her feelings, accept them without criticism and talk it out with her. The better your communication the more she will trust you.
Actively work on trust
Trust is something that is built over time. It happens without us consciously working on it but we can help it along. If you work on trust it can help your girlfriend's jealousy.
It is important to understand that this process takes time and not to expect overnight changes. You need to maintain the lack of frustration for a long time. And not just pretending to not be frustrated but you actually need to not be frustrated. Reassure her that you understand her feelings and understand that it will take time to deal with the issues. Reassure her that you will be patient.
Help build her self esteem in other areas
Everything we improve about ourselves has a flow on effect in other areas in life. If you can help your jealous girlfriend to build her self esteem in other areas then it will help reduce the jealousy. You can't do this forcefully or in a way that could be misinterpreted as you implying that she is fat, but an example is if she increases her fitness levels. Not only will she feel better about herself physically but regular fitness also increases mental wellbeing.
If you are struggling with a girlfriend who is jealous and insecure or you yourself are the jealous one then I recommend the "10 Steps To Overcoming Insecurity In Relationships" program.
It's a comprehensive, step by step guide to help you deal with your issues and get back to a healthy relationship.
- Overcoming Jealousy - How To Banish The Green Eyed Monster
- The Keys To A Successful Relationship
- Long Distance Relationship Advice
- Jealousy And Insecurity - What Is The Difference?
- Causes Of Jealousy