Jealousy in relationships is not all bad. In fact many women like their men to be a little bit jealous.
They want to know that you care about them and it's nice for them to feel protected.
It is in fact an expression of our natural territorial instinct. But this is all a matter of degree.
It's a very fine line before you cross over from primal jealousy into insanely jealous and super possessive driven by an unhealthy insecurity.
If someone is blatantly stealing your women then you are expected to display a reasonable degree of jealousy. But you are not expected to fabricate false scenarios in your mind and become permanently jealous due to irrational insecurities. Your woman merely talking to another man should not be a cause for jealousy in relationships. Sadly for many men it is.
The only way you can learn to overcome this irrational all pervading jealousy in relationships is to understand why it occurs. Only when you know your enemy can you defeat it.
Insecurity And Fear
This is core feeling behind the jealousy in relationships. The jealous reaction itself is driven by external circumstance. For example you see your woman talking to a male co-worker and this makes you jealous. It isn't the event of the talking itself that is the cause for the jealousy. It is the insecurity that is invisibile that creates this jealous reaction. A secure man would see the same situation and not have a jealous reaction at all.
Insecurity can manifest itself for several reasons. It could come from past hurt, low self esteem or a fear based mindset. Either way it is the underlying emotion behind jealousy.
Jealous men live their lives with a fear based perspective. They believe that the world is conspiring against them to deliver less than desirable circumstances. This is not the only way of seeing the world but people with fear based mindsets normally do not realize there is another option.
The other option is to choose to live life with intent. Life does not just happen to us. We can create our lives with conscious intent. People who live with conscious intent need not feel jealousy because they do not choose to. People with fear based mindsets feel jealousy in relationships because they do not know that they can choose to override it.
Low Self Esteem
If you cannot accept yourself for who you are it is very hard to understand why anybody else would. Therefore men with low self esteem often cannot understand why their women would choose to be with them because they don't think of themselves as deserving of love.
What this does is create a conspiracy in the mind of the jealous man. He constantly believes that his woman is plotting to leave him because he does not think he deserves her. So no matter what she does it is seen as an act of betrayal and reinforces the belief that she wants to leave him.
Merely having male friends is enough to make the jealous man think that his women is having an affair. "Of course she must," he thinks, because who would love him.
The Need For Control
Control often arises as a result of jealousy. Due to the jealous feelings a man will try his best to know the whereabouts and monitor the communications of his partner lest she be cheating on him.
However in some cases the need for control can precede the jealous feelings. Control freaks need to have everything right under their thumb. If a woman does not behave as the control freak needs her too then it can manifest in jealousy.
The Need For Acceptance And Reinforcement From Others
A confident secure and non-jealous man is that way because he chooses to be. He does not need validation or permission from anyone else. He does not crave attention, acceptance or reinforcement.
Coupled with low self esteem jealousy can arise from the need for acceptance from others because there is no acceptance from the self.
In this case a jealous man needs continuing reassurance from his partner that she accepts, loves and is there for him. If he doesn't get this on a regular basis it is an instant cause for jealousy as he thinks that if the constant reinforcement dries up then his woman no longer loves him and thus must be thinking about leaving him. This is incredibly draining on a woman's emotions and this is often the reason why constant jealousy will drive a woman away.
- Jealousy And Insecurity - What's The Difference?
- Overcoming Jealousy - How To Banish The Green Eyed Monster
- The Causes Of Jealousy
- Why Men Display Insecurity In Relationships
- Overcoming Insecurity - How To Stop Being Paranoid About Your Woman