Keeping your girlfriend happy is an ongoing process. You need to put in the effort week after week, month after month and year after year. It shouldn't be a chore, but it can be a labor of love in that it requires hard work, dedication and sacrifice.
A relationship is no different to any other pursuit. Success comes with consistent effort and dedication over a long period of time. Especially when the honeymoon period is over, the need for hard work is greater.
The secret is to prioritize, plan and schedule time each week to grow your relationship.
It sounds simple but few people do it consistently.
It's easy to neglect the needs of your relationship because they aren't urgent, or to hope that things will hum along nicely on autopilot. Complacency can get you into trouble, so make sure you avoid it at all costs.
The secret is to build this habit of scheduling time and maintain it forever.
Incorporate Your Relationship Into A Weekly Plan
Stephen Covey popularized the idea of weekly planning and it is a system I religiously use.
Covey argues that you should identify the various roles you have in life and dedicate time to each of them every week. Roles might typically be things like employee, business owner, father, son, friend, individual and partner.
It's easy to neglect certain roles in life because you feel like you don't have enough time.
One of the common ones to be ignored is the relationship. But if you ignore it consistently for long enough, you are guaranteed to run into problems.
I always plan my week on a Monday morning using Covey's principles and make a point to do something for my relationship every week.
Even if you don't plan your whole life this way, I highly recommend that each week you schedule some time to do something which allows you to connect with your girl and strengthen the relationship.
Her seeing you making the time to think of her and meet her needs is the secret to keeping her happy. It's very easy to do when you make it a habit but very difficult to do when you leave it to be sporadic.
What To Do With That Scheduled Time?
The first part of the challenge is scheduling the time. The second part is figuring out what to do with it.
The key is understanding how your girlfriend best receives love and then doing things that fill that love tank.
I'm a massive fan of Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages. Chapman argues that we all give and receive love in different dominant love languages.
The five love languages are:
- Physical touch
- Gift giving
- Quality time
- Acts of service
- Words of affirmation
First figure out what your girlfriend's love language is and then come up with ideas that best suit her needs.
While date night is a common way for couples to schedule time for each other that is best suited for someone who has quality time as their primary love language. It may not be as effective for others.
Here are some other ideas of things you could do with the time:
- Buy or make a gift
- Write a love note
- Sit down for an uninterrupted chat
- Go for a long walk together
- Give and receive a massage
- Go to bed early for pillow talk and cuddling
- Have a long romantic love making session
- Go out for coffee or a drink
- Try out some intimacy exercises
Long Term Relationship Development
Setting aside some time every week to meet the needs of your partner is crucial to keeping her happy. However consider this regular relationship maintenance.
It's also important to set aside some time for you to invest in your long term personal development with regards to the relationship. This way things will continue to improve down the track. Consider this as a system upgrade.
Every couple has an area or two where things could be worked on. You know what you need to do to be a better partner, a better lover or a better friend.
- Letting go of past relationships
- Learning to trust
- Becoming more intimate
- Improving your connection in the bedroom
- Becoming more playful
- Overcoming insecurity
- Being vulnerable and letting your partner in
Even if it is just half an hour per week, spending sometime thinking, reading and actioning areas of weakness will do you a lot of good in the long term.
Get yourself a few good books on relationships, read online, or listen to podcasts.
Your relationship might not be the most important thing in your life, but it should be right up there near the top of your list.
It deserves to have regular time set aside to nuture and grow it.
Don't fall into the trap of letting things just drift along. You need to actively work on your relationship. This is the best way to keep both you and your girlfriend happy.
The secret to doing that is scheduling regular time.
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