Compared to love dating is easy. Some men have better skills than others but ultimately it does not have to be difficult.
By comparison, love is hard work.
It may seem that dating is the difficult bit and it's all smooth sailing once you have found the right girl and settled down.
It's true that with dating it may take a lot to put yourself out there and approach women and let them get to know you.
But the easy part about it that I am talking about is the fact that you can run away when it all gets too hard.
If you have had enough of one girl you can easily move on. Whether it was one date or ten throwing in the towel is reasonably quick and painless. You might hurt a bit for a little while but you will come right within a few days.
Love, on the other hand is difficult. You can't run away so easily, which means you have to confront the issues. This may be difficulties or insecurities you are having, or a problem in the relationship. More likely it will be learning the complex and difficult skill of choosing to love a woman, in the way she wants to be loved, even when you don't feel like it all the time.
While it's tough, the hard work of love is incredibly rewarding and makes you a better man.
Why Love Is Hard Work
When you meet a woman and start dating her, it's all very exciting. The euphoria and newness of the whole thing carry you along. You want to be with her all the time and you are willing to make a few sacrifices in your schedule to make time for her.
You go on dates, get to know each other, talk about hopes and dreams and all that mushy stuff.
But eventually it all starts to slow down. The lustre wears off, the rose tinted glasses come away and suddenly that wonderful woman is not so wonderful anymore.
At this stage most people think they have fallen out of love, break up and go and find someone else to start the process again with.
Those who stick it out often find themselves fighting or coming into a lot of conflict. Without that initial euphoria they find loving each other difficult.
The Default Position Of Love
Hard work is the default position of love. That lusty cloud nine fantasyland you were living in for the first year or so is the exception to the default position of love.
It is short lived and cannot last. It is not proper love, rather a powerful emotional experience of connection. It is valuable and worthwhile and I'm not bagging it. Just don't confuse it with love.
The default position requires two independent human beings to live together, to build a life together, to make sacrifices for each other, to compromise and to take the energy to show affection and love for one another.
Day in, day out, year after year, this is not easy. You have to make the conscious decision to love your partner, even when you don't really feel like it. You have to learn what makes them feel loved and you have to do that for them.
Learn To Love The Hard Work
Nothing truly valuable in life comes without a little bit of sacrifice and pain. In the gym, you must commit yourself to grueling work outs on a regular basis if you want to get the rewards. In your career or business, you need to commit yourself to long hours, deal with office politics and keep going even when you want slam your on your desk to get the rewards.
It is no different in a relationship. You can jump from relationship to relationship chasing the high but over time the euphoria fades away. Or you can enjoy the ride but then get down to the business of real love when the rose tinted glasses have cracked. It is hard work but the rewards of a happy and fulfilling partnership are well worth it.
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