Should The Man Be The Provider In A Relationship?

Should the man be the provider?

It's an interesting topic with multiple points of view.

On one hand you have feminists who say it's antiquated. Modern women can look after themselves, so they don't need a man to take care of them and be a provider.

On the other hand you have some men arguing that you shouldn't be a provider because it's something weak beta males do to try and win women. They say since beta males have very little in the way of masculinity to attract a mate, the provider card is the only thing they can offer. This often results in them spending up large but being used but never actually landing the girl.

These two points of view are at opposite ends of the spectrum but they agree on one key point - women don't need men to be a provider.

So what should a man do instead?

Some will say you should focus on game and offer women a physical relationship while forgetting about providing in the material sense.

But just because women don't need men to provide doesn't mean that it's something that should be abandoned altogether.

Of course, if you aren't bringing anything else of value to the relationship except for cash, then expect to be let down. Expecting to win a woman's heart by showering her with material goods, while offering little else as a partner, won't work.

But if you are a strong male with good values, you have direction and ambition and you create a strong physical attraction then being a provider is something to add to the package.

Not because you have to or because she needs you to. But because is still an important part of a healthy partnership where you provide mutual support and have got each other's back.


Man As The Sole Provider Is A Recent Development

In previous generations women were not just homemakers. They contributed significantly to the financial well being of the household and the broader economy.

In most indigenous societies men may have done a lot of the hunting, but women were significant producers in other areas including agriculture, foraging, fishing and making clothes. In feudal times women would be out working in the fields alongside men, just as most husband and wife teams do today on small family farms.

In the early part of the industrial revolution women gained traditional employment, often in places like cotton mills, in order to contribute to the family income.

It was only in the 19th century among wealthy families that the idea of the stay at home woman became widespread. In the 20th century, particularly after World War Two, this became more common among the middle class.

So the modern working woman, providing for herself and her family, is not a historical anomaly. In fact this modern change is a return to the historic norm. The anomaly was the period where women didn't work and stayed at home. And as we enter uncertain economic times having a dual income is only going to get more important.

Sharing the role of provider in a relationship and in a family is perfectly normal. Women working is not an assault on traditional values or a means to emasculate a man's ability to provide.

That's not to say women should be the sole provider while the man stays at home. Rather you should become comfortable with the idea of being co-providers.

Being A Provider Is About More Than Being A Breadwinner

Contributing to the relationship financially is important. You don't want to be a financial dead weight, consuming more than you produce and relying on your partner to provide. You have to pull your weight in this regard.

You may see that as pressure but that is the reality of adulthood. If you aren't providing for yourself then someone else is and that's not fair on them.

But providing is about much more than money. It's not enough to provide financially and then check out of the relationship and say job done. You have to provide in other areas.

A particularly important way to provide in a relationship is with ambition, leadership and decision making. That isn't to say you are dominant, overbearing and make all the decisions, but a man should be a significant contributor in these areas. Women don't want sloth-like men with no motivation or initiative that they have to drag through life.

Being emotionally supportive is also a critically important means of providing. The nature of a relationship is that we both surrender a degree of independence and become interdependent. This is the case financially but also emotionally. Humans are social creatures who rely on each other for social and emotional well being. We don't need friends, family and lovers for our material existence but life sure as hell is better when we have them. An emotionally unavailable man is undesirable so being able to provide in this area is important.

Becoming A Co-Provider

The great thing about being a co-provider in a relationship is having a safety net. Having two incomes provides a cushion, should something temporarily go wrong.

You shouldn't shirk your responsibilities but providing is not something you should do alone. However nor is it something that on it's own is enough.

It requires a degree of humility to allow your girl to also be a provider. For many women, contributing to the relationship is something they want to do and are proud to do. Their career is important to them and men shouldn't stand in the way of that or let their pride at being the main provider prevent their partner from contributing.

Some men actually find it frustrating when a woman doesn't pull her weight and expects him to do more than his fair share of providing. I'm like this. I want my girl to pull her weight because we value having a reasonably equal partnership. This is just as important to her as it is to me. If you are getting frustrated by a mooching partner you shouldn't feel guilty at expecting her to contribute.


Women don't need men to provide for them. But that doesn't mean that it is unimportant and that doesn't mean that you shouldn't provide at all.

A relationship is about meeting each other's needs and while that includes material needs, there is much more to being a provider than money.

Throughout most of history both men and women have contributed financially to the relationship and to the family, so the modern working women is actually a return to normal.

You should encourage your girl to be a co-provider and you shouldn't feel any less of a man for doing so.

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