Do you work on your manliness in order to get more girls or to improve the relationship with the one you already have?
If so, you aren't alone. It's one of the main reasons most guys start looking into this whole thing about improving their masculinity.
Because, make no mistake about it, girls like manly men.
But getting girls or improving relationships isn't the best thing about becoming a better man. It's just a side effect.
The best thing about working on yourself as a man is, quite simply that you become a better man.
This means that you improve your fitness, your diet and your posture. It means you improve your confidence and overcome your fears and insecurities. It means you improve your career and make more money. It means you live by rock solid values and core principles.
And yes it also means you are better with the ladies, whether you are dating or in a serious relationship.
This is why one of the core tenets of relationship advice on this website is to work on yourself as a man. Because if you do that then your relationships will improve automatically, as if by magic.
If someone says to me, "How do I become better with women?" the first thing I will say to them is, "Work on becoming a better man."
Why Manliness Gets Girls
Women love the so called "alpha male" qualities and find men who are assertive, confident and dominant to be very attractive.
In fact women enjoy the differences between feminimity and masculinity and they relish those masculine traits.
However women also love certain so called "beta male" traits. Qualities like sensitivity, an easygoing nature and kindness. A man who could be a good father or a man who could cook.
It's not about being one or the other, it's about being both. Research shows that having the whole package is important. All those traits are masculine.
If you can be the dominant alpha at appropriate times, while at the same time show a kind and sensitive side when the situation demands it you will have no trouble getting girls or developing good relationships with them.
This requires you to develop yourself as a well rounded man, not just the brash and cocky "alpha male." This type of man is often referred to as a prestigious man, a genuine man or rather simply a gentleman.
Why Getting Girls Isn't The Point
Legendary personal development and business expert Jim Rohn once said about financial goals, "Set a goal to become a millionaire for what it makes of you to achieve it."
To paraphrase the great Mr Rohn, "Set a goal to become an expert with women for what it makes of you to achieve it."
For Rohn, making a million wasn't the point of the goal. Sure, it would be awesome to be a millionaire, but it was important to become the type of man who could make a million dollars.
In the same way, it will be awesome to amazing with the ladies, whether dating or in a relationship, but even better will be to become the type of man who is excellent with the ladies.
This is the reason why PUA has been so popular. Learning to pick up girls is a way for men to build confidence, social skills and overcome their insecurities. Once they achieve those things many PUA students then find that they do want to settle down with a special lady and they give up the game.
However, PUA or not, you should focus on your manliness for the man it makes you, not the ladies it gets you.
Instead of focusing on how to get girls, you focus on becoming a better and more valuable man. This improves your life in a number of ways, one of which is in the relationship department. But this is a mere side effect and just a fraction of the true value of developing your masculinity.
Becoming a better man shouldn't be a hobby, rather it should be a way of life. It should be something that you look to make small, regular improvements on over time.
It also shouldn't be something you abandon once you settle down with a girl. It should be something you pursue regardless of your age or the status of your relationship. Because remember manliness gets girls, but that isn't the point.
Women love manly men. They want someone trustworthy, someone who will protect them and someone who has a mix of dominant alpha and sensitive beta characteristics.
If you develop yourself as a prestigious, genuine gentleman then your love life is going to be blessed.
Just make sure you aren't pursuing manliness for the sake of getting the ladies. Make sure you pursue it for its own sake and the overall good it will have in your life and the lives of others around you.
- Gottman, J. (2016). The man's guide to women: Scientifically proven secrets from "the love lab" about what women really want. New York: Rodale.
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