How To Measure Love: One Simple And Effective Method

Do you think it's possible to measure love? I do.

When the rose tinted glasses come off you realize that love isn't a feeling. It's a choice.

You can't easily measure how love makes you feel, but you can measure the actions you take to contribute to a relationship.

After all, that's what love really is, a choice to act in a certain way and make an ongoing contribution to a partnership.

I've become a bit fanatical over measuring things in the last few years. The easiest way to improve upon something is to measure it. If you can measure it you can track progress and over time and you can improve.

So to measure love, I've started recording and tracking small things I do to contribute to the relationship.

I've done this for a long time in the gym and in business.

In the gym I track all my workouts with the intention of slowly adding a little bit of weight every week and gradually getting stronger.

In business there are many potential things to track, but the key ones are traffic, email subscribers and social media engagement.

If you want to improve your relationship, in theory you should just measure your progress, analyze the data and find ways to get better.

Of course it isn't quite that simple.

Early on in a relationship people often measure success by the length of time they have been together. This does give you some indication of success, because obviously if you have stayed together it must be good.

Length of time is still a useful metric as a relationship matures. My grandparents were married for over seventy years and they were happy. People who make it that far must be doing something right. But time alone says nothing about the quality of the relationship or whether people are happy. It is very possible to be in a relationship for a long time and be unhappy.

On one hand the inability to measure a relationship in the same way you measure your workouts is part of the beauty of it. Would you really want to amass a whole lot of data and analyze it? Would you really want to turn your relationship into a formula? Perhaps that would take the fun and the human element out of it.

But as a personal development nerd who likes to track things, I'm going to experiment and see how it goes. If it means the relationship is going to improve then I'm going to give it a shot. Because if I can measure it, I can improve it.

You Can Only Measure What You Put In

When I was thinking about how to measure love I tried to come up with a list of all the things that could have some kind of objective measure and would actually be practical and easy to track.

I realized I couldn't measure my partner's contribution to our love. How would I do that?

I figured that I could try and measure the space between us, this thing called the relationship. But that also seemed very hard.

The only thing that could be meaningfully and effectively measured was my contribution to the relationship. What was I bringing to the table on a consistent and regular basis? This should be the primary metric when measuring love.

That is, in fact, the essence of a good relationship. Love isn't about what you receive, it is about what you put in. Love is not a feeling, rather it is a choice.

As you move past the rose tinted glasses phase, love becomes incredibly hard work. You can't just sit back and expect it to happen, nor can you sit back and expect to reap the benefits without putting in the effort. Love needs to be nurtured and tended to.

So the best thing you can do to improve your relationship is to improve your contribution to the relationship. And the way to improve that is to track and measure what you are contributing.

My Method For Measuring Love

measure love

I am starting slowly on this and have recently implemented one measurable goal. That is to schedule one special or intimate moment, event or gift for my girlfriend each week.

The idea is that every week she has that moment where she thinks, "he is really thinking about me and I feel loved."

This is similar to a scheduled date night, but doesn't actually have to be a date. Just something small but meaningful that communicates love.

I used to do nice things often, but sporadically. And I had started to notice that my effort in this regard was dwindling. I realized I needed to step up my game.

Doing this isn't a big deal. It's just a matter of scheduling it in, so that I remember to do it. Regularity and consistency are the key.

I do a weekly planning session every Monday morning on Google Calendar. When I plan my week I plan my work, my workouts, my meals and my "thing" for the relationship that week.

With what I do each week recorded on my calendar I can track and measure whether I am meeting my goal.

Once I bed this habit in I will think about other things I can measure to make sure I am performing at my peak.

I don't want to go too over the top with trying to measure my relationship performance, but small things like this are easy and I think it will make a big difference. I believe that it's the secret to keeping your girl happy.


If you to improve in something you have to measure it. When you track and measure something you can see whether you are improving, getting worse or staying the same.

Armed with that information you can come up with a plan to make steady and consistent improvements.

Love and relationships are on of those intangible things that are nearly impossible to measure.

However something you can measure is your contribution to the relationship. Even if you just track one small thing, like a weekly gift, event or special moment, the ability to consistently deliver will make a big difference to your relationship.

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