If you feel like narcissistic women are everywhere then you aren't delusional.
Narcissism is on the rise and this is particularly the case for women. 1
If you were dazzled by a girl when you were initially dating, but now the relationship has turned crazy, you might just have a narcissistic girlfriend.
While they are great to date at the start because of their charisma and energy, they can be tough work in a long term relationship.
We all have narcissistic traits to some degree (it's a spectrum), but someone with full blown narcissism actually has a personality disorder.
The problem is you don't normally find that out until the relationship has progressed somewhat, because everything seems so rosy at the beginning.
Several months in you sit there scratching your head and wondering what went wrong.
If you think your girlfriend is a narcissist it doesn't mean the relationship is doomed, but you need to know what you are up against if you decide to continue.
Check out these traits to see how your girlfriend stacks up. She doesn't need to tick every box, but if the vast majority sound about right, then you are probably looking at a narcissist.
How To Tell If You Have A Narcissistic Girlfriend
1. She Always Turns The Conversation To Her
Narcissists love to talk about themselves. If she isn't already dominating the conversation then she will quickly steer it away from you and turn the spotlight on herself. She will often be talking about how wonderful she is or how inferior everyone else is.
2. She Puts Others Down To Elevate Herself
A narcissist has a deep sense of superiority. However this doesn't come from confidence, rather it stems from underlying insecurities.
In order to feel better about herself a narcissist will devote a lot of energy towards criticizing and putting others down in order to keep up their illusion of superiority.
3. She Is Grandiose And Ultra High Energy
This trait is one of the reasons many people are initially attracted to narcissists. They have an infectious energy and are often grandiose. This is very engaging early on but can be nearly impossible to keep up with over the long haul. Because with the incredible highs can come despairing lows.
4. She Thinks People Either Love Her Or Are Jealous Of Her
No one enjoys it when people dislike them. But for a narcissist this is unbearable. In her mind people either love and adore her or are jealous of how awesome she is.
She will often collect friends who she considers inferior, so that they will idolize her and reinforce this belief that everybody wants to be her. A friend who is an equal is too challenging to maintain.
5. She Is Materialistic And Vain
A narcissistic girl will often obsess over her apperance, beyond what even most women will do. She likes money, branded clothing and showing off. Looking the best is all about contributing to this illusion of superiority and so she can tell herself and others just how much better than everyone else she is.
6. She Is Unreliable
Since a narcissist believes she is better and more important than others she won't show you the respect of being reliable and keeping her word. She may often be late, fail to do what she days she will do, or won't be there fore you in your time of need. She operates in her own little bubble and sees your needs and less important.
7. She Reacts Negatively When She Doesn't Get Her Own Way
Being in that self important bubble means a narcissistic girlfriend expects to get what she wants, when she wants. She is entitled, expects instant gratification and will show immense displeasure if you can't meet her ridiculous standards.
She may react angrily, guilt trip you or turn passive aggressive. All are tools to punish you and make sure she gets what she wants.
8. She Is Demanding Of You But It's Never Good Enough
A narcissistic girlfriend will often flip rapidly between telling you that you are the greatest boyfriend ever and telling you that you are worse than the scum beneath her shoe. She is demanding, she criticizes and she is manipulative and controlling. You feel like you can't win.
9. She Is Volatile
A peaceful uneventful day is a rarity with a narcissist. More often than not you are witnessing volatile and intense mood swings. When something or someone confronts her or challenges her it sets her off. You are constantly worrying about doing just that and exert a lot of energy walking on eggshells to prevent an explosion.
10. She Makes You Question Your Own Sanity
Amidst all the constant abuse there will be moments of magic, where everything seems allright and all appears right in the relationship. You swell with hope that you can maintain this wonderful sense of equilibrium. And then it all crashes again. You end up going round in circles wondering whether you are the problem or whether you are just imagining it all.
11. She Lacks Commitment
A commitment requires personal sacrifices for the sake of another. In a relationship it means thinking not just of your own needs, but of your partners. A narcissist finds this very difficult to do.
For her the relationship is all about the benefits it gives her, she thinks little of the sacrifices that need to be made to meet your needs. Deepening a commitment means thinking of others and that is something she may be reluctant to do.
12. You Feel Like The Only One Making An Effort
A relationship with a narcissist often feels like a one way street. She does her own thing and you make all the effort to reach into the middle and make it work. Yet she will be oblivious to all this and still blame you for everything because she is always perfect and right. This is tiring and gradually wears you down.
13. She Never Accepts Responsibility
Nothing that goes wrong in her life is ever her fault. She is always the victim and the blame must lie elsewhere. Because she never takes responsibility, she will struggle to make effective changes in her life, rendering her stuck in this cycle of victimhood and blame.
14. She Doesn't Respect Your Boundaries
Every healthy relationship needs boundaries. If you are with a volatile narcissist then you need boundaries more than anyone. The problem is, if she is a narcissist she won't respect your boundaries because she cannot see things from your point of view. She cannot understand why you need to draw a line and will happily flout these boundaries if it suits her.
15. Her Relationship History Isn't Flash
As you get to know her and you slowly discuss relationship histories, you will come to realize that hers is a train wreck. There is a long history of break ups, cheating and drama.
Of course none of it was possibly her fault. A steady and stable relationship over a long period of time is likely to be conspicuously absent.
16. She Isolates You From Your Friends, Family And Hobbies
A narcissistic girlfriend needs herself to be at the center of your universe. That means you might have to give up the things that are important to you, so that you can meet her every whim and fancy. Of course this is a one way street as she won't return the favor to you and put you at the center of her world.
17. She Makes You Feel Like Someday It Will Get Better, But It Never Does
A narcissist will convince you that all this frustration and pain is only temporary and one day, someday things will get better. This false hope is designed to keep you by her side despite all the overwhelming struggles she puts you through. You keep waiting and hoping for that day when things turn around but sadly it never comes.
If you recognize several of these traits in your girlfriend, then there is a high likelihood that she is a narsissist.
It doesn't mean she necessarily has a personality disorder but just that she is quite far along the spectrum.
It doesn't mean you have to stop dating her. It just means you need to open your eyes to what is in front of you and make an informed decision.
Chances are, up until now, you haven't recognized this behavior for what it really is.
- Twenge, Jean M and W. Keith Campbell. The Narcissism Epidemic. New York: Free Press, 2009. Print.
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