Overcoming the fear of rejection is about retraining your brain to cope with an evolutionary fear that is hardwired into our brains.
Being the socially dependent creatures that we are rejection could literally mean a death sentence.
If you mother rejects you as a child, then realistically you could die.
In our tribal past rejection from the group could mean facing the world all on your own - again a likely death sentence.
As human beings we are hardwired to want to fit in, and we really struggle with the idea of being rejected.
For men in the modern age, rejection from women is seen as a crushing blow to our self esteem. The fear can overwhelm you so much that it paralyses you from ever making an attempt to approach women.
The two keys to overcoming the fear of rejection from women are knowing your self worth and desensitization.
Know Your Self Worth
Getting rejected by a woman should not crush you if you are a secure man with high self esteem. You are the only one that determines your self worth and it comes internally. External factors such as women, career and money do not have an effect unless you let them.
A secure man knows that if he approaches a woman and is rejected, she is not making a personal attack. There may be any number of reasons that she turned you down including:
- Having a boyfriend
- Just coming out of a relationship
- Being caught off guard and automatically saying no defensively
- Having a bad day
- Being a lesbian
It's not about you. She doesn't know you, she is just making a snap judgement and it happened to not go your way.
At the end of the day you aren't going to appeal to the tastes of every woman out there, just as much as the reverse is true. so getting a "no" is effectively just a screening process.
So the way to deal with rejection is to make sure that you have an intrinsic gauge on your self worth and that you remind yourself of that every time a woman says "no."
This is a pick up artist strategy that I do actually quite like, and you can apply it to many things, not just eliminating the fear of rejection.
Until you actually get rejected, the fear is purely in your mind. You build it up so much that you are paralyzed by the fear of rejection. The actual rejection experience itself is never as bad as the projected fear.
So the way to deal with the fear of rejection is to experience it many times, and as a result you will become desensitized. This way you know what the reality will feel like, you know it's not so bad, and so you stop this pre-emptive paralyzing worry.
This takes some guts and confidence, but go out there and approach women on a regular basis, accepting the fact that you might get rejected. Instead of being crushed and feeling a failure chalk it up as one rejection closer to being desensitized.
Once you get desensitized and lose the fear, you will be amazed how much more successful with women you are. This is because the fear often becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. If you go in with fear, then women can smell it. Once you lose the fear and go in with confidence they can smell that too.
If they smell confidence they are much more likely to be open to being approached and you will see your success rates skyrocket.
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