A relationship crisis occurs when things are on the rocks. It looks like the relationship is not going to survive.
No one has ended it yet, but there is this enormous dark cloud hanging over your heads.
Neither of you are comfortable in the security of your relationship.
Things are so insecure that it takes up all your focus. There is an all consuming negative energy between the two of you and nothing seems to go right.
Some common signs of a relationship crisis are:
- It feels like it is about to fall apart
- You have broken up, got back together and things aren't working out
- It feels like there is no future
- You are fighting continuously
- Each blames the other for the problems but nothing is resolved
- You have no will to carry on but breaking up seems too hard
- Someone cheated
Often a relationship crisis will lead to a break up. This is normal, as couples start growing apart and realize they are not suited to each other. Sometimes it ends amicably, but often there is a period of high emotions and intense negativity before both parties decide to call it quits.
Yet some couples get through their relationship crisis and come back stronger. The crisis proves to be a chance for positive change. Both partners acknowledge the problems, recommit to each other and find a way to make it work.
If you are having a crisis with your girlfriend right now, try to find the silver lining. See if you can use the conflict as a catalyst for positive change.
How A Relationship Crisis Can Be A Chance For Positive Change
1. Hitting Rock Bottom Gives You A Chance To Come Back Better
As you descend into the depths of the crisis all your interactions are negative. The dominant emotions are fear, hurt and resentment. You say hurtful things, you argue and you tear strips off each other.
Eventually you get to a point where it can't get anymore negative. You have bottomed out and the only choices are to quit or to rebuild.
If you decide to rebuild both of you will have to acknowledge the damage that has been done. You will have to change the way you interact with each other.
If you commit to making it work you shift into a more positive space. You rebuild with love and understanding and will be better able to communicate your needs.
2. It's An Opportunity For Serious Reflection And Soul Searching
It's easy to get so caught up with life that you don't take the necessary time to reflect on your relationship. Negativity and resentment can build slowly and go unnoticed for a long time. Unless you are regularly catching up to see how the other is doing this can build to a point where it boils over.
It's much better for reflection and soul searching to happen regularly to smooth out any conflicts as they arise. But the reality is that it's not always going to happen. In a crisis it is forced to happen. You are forced to look at yourself and examine your priorities. It's uncomfortable when it's forced on you but it might be for the best.
3. It Gives You A Chance To Empathize
We all live in our own little world inside our own head. We can try and see things from another's point of view but we will never quite see things how they see things. Yet most of us try, where possible, to empathize with another person's point of view.
This is a crucial skill in a relationship but it often gets forgotten. When life is busy and the day to day responsibilities pile up, it can be hard enough to manage yourself, let alone trying to figure out what someone else is thinking and feeling.
If you have been struggling on the empathy front for a while a relationship crisis will jolt you. You will have to listen to your girl's point of view and try and see things from her perspective. This is useful when it comes to rebuilding.
4. It Gives You A Chance To Focus On Yourself
Often a relationship crisis will result in some time spent apart for personal reflection. You might take a break, or if you live together someone might go back to the parents for a little bit.
This is a chance for reflection but also a chance to give yourself a little bit of TLC. If your relationship has been struggling perhaps there are other areas where you have been struggling too.
How are things at work? How is your diet and exercise? Perhaps the relationship problems are a symptom of a bigger issue.
If you are having problems in multiple areas of your life then this is likely to be the case.
The space to address these other issues and work on your personal development will have a positive impact on the rebuilding of your relationship.
5. You Can Look At The Bigger Relationship Picture
Often a crisis can be caused because couples aren't paying each other enough attention. They just aren't spending enough time working on their relationships. The day to day things get in the way and the relationship is the thing that suffers.
A crisis is a good time to take the chance to look at the bigger picture. Why are you with this woman? What is it that you love about her? What are your plans for the future with her?
Focusing on the bigger picture can help give you some perspective. It can help you accept the fact that there might be a few speed bumps along the highway. Reminding each other why you are together and thinking about future plans can help reinvigorate things.
6. It Gives You A Chance To Evaluate Your Life
If your relationship is causing you unhappiness and you are faced with the prospect of becoming single again it's a good chance to evaluate your own life goals. Think about where you are with your career, personal finance, fitness and your relationship.
Are you heading in the direction you want to be or do you need to make a change?
Once you have reflected upon where you are and what your goals are moving forward, you can see whether your girl fits into those plans. If she does then it gives you the energy to make a positive change with her and deal with this relationship crisis.
Relationships hit speed bumps. If you are with someone long enough it is inevitable that you will encounter challenging times.
A relationship crisis doesn't have to cost you the relationship. It can instead be used as a catalyst to improve the way you relate to each other.
If you both take the chance for reflection and listen and empathize, it is possible to rebuild the relationship stronger as a result of the crisis.
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