Shy Around Girls? Here's How To Overcome It

Being shy around girls is very common.

You are not alone if you feel shy.

In fact the vast majority of guys get nervous when talking to women they like, even if they appear to be super confident.

Putting yourself out there is hard and requires real courage.

The fear of rejection cannot physically harm you but it can mean a hit to your self esteem. So it's understandable that you hold back.

However the reality is that rejection is inevitable, so you have to learn to cope with it. You may never stop being shy, and that's okay, but you have to find away to shift your thinking so that you are able to override the fear and talk to girls anyway.

There is no shortcut to this process, and you will probably always have some degree of nervousness around women. But you can get better with a shift in attitude.

This attitude shift is less about overcoming a negative and more about building a positive. Instead of trying to overcome shyness, what you are really doing is aiming to build confidence. That way you have a new tool that you can use in spite of your shyness.

How To Change Your Thinking To Overcome Shyness

shy around girls

1. Accept It As Part Of Who You Are

Are you frustrated about being shy?

That's part of your problem.

Being shy is not a defect or a problem. It's just part of who you are. We all get nervous meeting new people, some people just deal with it better than others.

So don't beat yourself up about it. Accept it, just learn to make the effort in spite of it.

2. Know Your Value

Human beings all long to be accepted.

It is part of our social programming from our tribal history. Social rejection would mean death.

Shyness often happens because you feel inferior, particularly when interacting with women who you think are out of your league.

If you know your own value, then you won't feel inferior. If you don't feel inferior you are less likely to feel shy.

Get to know yourself and what you like about yourself. When you know that your inherent value is not based upon what a random girl thinks of you in the moment, then you will be able to be more bold.

3. Take Girls Off The Pedestal

Shy guys tend to find a girl they like and then idolize her. Without even talking to her they imagine her as an angel and fantasize about having her as a girlfriend.

You end up building up an fake image of her in your mind. When you put her on a pedestal like this it makes it impossible for you to be normal around her.

Instead you should remind yourself that attractive girls aren't perfect princesses. They are flawed smelly humans just like everyone else.

4. Accept That All Interactions With Strangers Are Awkward

Your shyness with women is probably influenced in a big way by your general shyness around talking to new people. This could also include shyness around men in work or social settings.

The reality is that it's pretty normal for things to be slightly awkward with anyone you meet for the first time. Even with your close friends and previous girlfriends you would have gone through that difficult stage.

If you are afraid to talk to girls because you are worried about a clumsy interaction then you just have to get over it. There isn't anything wrong with you, this is just how it works with two humans trying to get to know each other.

5. Practice Being Bold And Assertive

One way to overcome shyness is to "fake it till you make it." This means going out socially and interacting with people as much as you can pretending to be as bold and confident as you can.

While it may feel strange at first and you will feel like a fake, over time it will start to feel more comfortable.

It will still be nervewracking when you talk to girls, but the more comfortable you are with being assertive the more you can override the nerves.

6. Accept That Dating Is A Numbers Game

Soul mates don't just fall out of the sky. You actually have to put some effort in.

This means approaching women, going on dates with them and eventually starting relationships.

At all stages of this process there may be rejection or disappointment. It's inevitable that at some point some woman is going to shoot you down.

When you can accept that rejection is inevitable it will help you break through your shyness.

If you don't try, you will never fail and your shy self will never have to leave his comfort zone. But then you will never find success with women.

You have to put yourself out there, and the more you do, the more you will both succeed and fail.

For more help on overcoming shyness, check out these articles:


Shyness around girls is very common and is in no way a flaw in your character.

You may never completely get over being shy, and that is fine. But what you have to do is drum up enough confidence to interact with women despite your shyness.

You have to find a way to override your fear and make yourself vulnerable anyway.

When you can do that, then you will open up many more social and romantic possibilities.