urgent desire to learn how to stop being an asshole all the time often
comes because people are oblivious to their own behavior for years.
Then the penny drops and they realize that they are a jerk.
It happened to me when I gave a friend a compliment once.
She said, "Wow that's so nice, you don't normally say nice things."
Taken aback, I inquired further. She was happy to oblige, "Well I just didn't expect it because normally you are quite mean."
I had known for a while that I could come across as an arrogant jerk but this was a bit of a slap in the face. It became a welcome wake up call because I reflected on my behavior and changed. I had to learn to stop being an asshole.
The thing is that it is actually less about learning how to stop being an asshole, as it is more about learning to be more considerate.
Think about it. You don't actively go out of your to be a jerk or an asshole on purpose. It just seems to happen that way because that is who you are.
The root of the problem is that you aren't very considerate, you only think of yourself. This lack of consideration for others is what makes you appear to be an asshole. If you go out of your way to be considerate then by default you become less of a jerk.
Practice Being Actively Considerate
Trying to abolish a negative is very difficult. The easier way to achieve the same goal is to consciously introduce the positive. Instead of trying to stamp out asshole behavior, just spend more time and effort actively being nice and considerate.
It may be hard at first but eventually it becomes a habit and it will stick. If it feels weird at first you may just have to fake it for a while until it becomes more natural.
A good way to start is to make sure you do one nice thing a day for someone. That might be giving a compliment or taking the time to help someone without expecting anything in return.
This doesn't have to turn you into a flowery hippie type of positivity guru. But it achieves the aim of being less negative.
Surround Yourself With Positive People
As tribal creatures we tend to reflect the people we associate with. If you surround yourself with negative assholes then your attitudes and behavior will become similar to theirs over time.
Likewise if you surround yourself with more positive people then their influence will rub off on you. This can be an excellent boost to your effort to be more positive.
Unfortunately it can mean you have to wield the axe in terms of who you spend time with. it may mean that some friendships dissolve.
Try Something New In Life
Being an asshole can stem from a chronic cynicism, which stems from a deep seated unhappiness with life. Perhaps you need to give things a serious shake up and try something new. This might mean a change in career, area you live or even something as simple as a new hobby.
Stop Being A Fake Alpha
For most people the asshole facade is something that built up overtime and they were oblivious to. For others it was a conscious decision in order to try and boost their confidence and help them fulfill the alpha male stereotype.
I agree with Mark Manson's theory that the alpha male has value to a point in helping men grow in confidence but that generally it is counter productive. So if you put on the asshole mask intentionally then you need to take it off. The same method applies, just start being nicer.
Get That Chip Off Your Shoulder
The world is not against you. Life is full of opportunities and wonderful things if you are willing to open your eyes and see them. So many people exist in a grumpy bubble because they are unhappy with their lot in life, believe it is impossible to change and blame everything else for their problems.
Your circumstances may or may not be of your own making. But you sure as hell do have it in your power to change them. So be proactive and positive in changing them, rather than being the cynical asshole who does nothing yet blames everybody.
- Manly Behavior That Never Goes Out Of Fashion
- How To Become A Man In The Modern World
- Stop Making Excuses For Yourself
- Setting High Personal Standards
- How To Take Responsibility For Your Life