Making her feel loved?
Seems pretty simple to the male brain.
You are with her, you are committed to her, you tell her you love her, you do things for her. What more does she want?
Well actually, quite a lot.
Men are driven primarily by logic, women by emotion. So for a man love almost goes without saying. You love someone, you tell them you love them and that is that. Unless you have any reason to doubt that they still love you, this doesn't need to be constantly fed because logic dictates that if they loved you yesterday, they still love you today.
However women need more than to be told that they are loved. They need to feel that they are loved. They want a man who can create this feeling in them.
Early on in the relationship it is easy because the adrenaline of a new relationship provides that feeling. But as the rose tinted glasses come off it takes work to create that feeling.
Most men don't know that they have to do this. They assume a woman's brain is primarily logical, like his own. Even if a man figures out that he does need to do it, he then needs to work out how to.
So why do women want me who can make them feel loved?
You need to learn how to show her love and then make it a habit to show her on a regular basis.
This is part of the hard work required to make a relationship last, but if you can create the feeling of being loved in a woman that you will remain very desirable.
How To Show A Woman That You Love Her
1. Learn Her Love Language
Gary Chapman coined the term Love Languages as a way of categorizing the ways different people give and display love and affection.
Chapman argues that each person has a primary way of showing love and a primary way that they receive love. These love languages are:
- Words of affirmation
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Quality time
The concept is very simple. If you are showing love in a language that she does not receive it in, then your relationship will run into problems. You will be trying to show love but she won't even notice.
The solution is to identify your girlfriend's love language and make a conscious effort to deliver in that way, then she will feel loved.
2. Respond To Her Bids
John Gottman explains that couples in relationships regularly make bids for each other's attention. The success of a relationship, he argues, depends on how often each partner responds to the other's bids.
When you girlfriend is distracting you or annoying you, chances are she is just making a bid for your attention.
The way to show love is to respond to the bid, rather than ignoring her or turning away.
3. Be Vulnerable
Women want to get to know you and build a deep emotional connection with you. This isn't something that happens in a year or two, it is an ongoing and constantly evolving process.
Being vulnerable allows you to connect with her and taking the time to connect with her is a way of showing her love.
Vulnerability does not mean being weak. It means being real and letting the woman in your life see beneath the exterior you show to the rest of the world. It means letting her closer than anyone else.
4. Love Her Body
A significant factor regarding how a woman feels about herself is how she feels about her body. 91% of women are unhappy about their body.
A woman's looks are her trump card in the sexual marketplace. Feminists hate this idea but humans are an evolved species and the evolutionary process has resulted in women who need to look good in order to attract a mate.
The cause of this insecurity is competition with other women in the sexual marketplace.
Women are inherently insecure about their bodies but you can show her you love her by showing her that you love her body. This is something that you need to be in the habit of reaffirming again and again.
Women can be very insecure about your commitment to them and appreciate regular affirmations of love.
This isn't just telling her that you love her but showing it as well. And it's about doing it regularly and repeatedly.
A relationship isn't "set and forget" but is rather a labour of love that needs constant tending. Showing her you love her is one of the keys to a successful relationship.