At the start of a relationship sex is easy. In fact, it is the sexual chemistry and attraction that drives much of the early relationship.
As the initial chemistry gradually fades other concerns like personality compatibility, values, shared life goals, family, emotional stability etc decide whether the relationship is going to progress or not.
However sex does not go away. It is an incredibly important facet of a relationship from the beginning and all the way through. We like it and we want to have it. She likes it and she wants to have it.
For men, it starts off all about the sexual conquest. It's not the only motivator, but it certainly is a big one during the dating and courtship phase. You want to get in her pants.
It's a biological drive, but also a social drive. You are driven by the need and desire to have sex and you enjoy the process of chalking another one up.
It is incredibly exciting. The thrill of the chase, the anticipation, the moment. Finally getting the chance to undress her and explore her body, to see it, to touch it, to experience it. The penetration, the orgasm, the aftermath.
It is truly electric.
If that relationship sticks and it becomes established then the thrill of the chase and the conquest dies. After a few months the shiny new toy is no longer shiny.
Of course we still enjoy sex on a regular basis, both to be close to our partner emotionally and to satisfy our physical desires. But it will never quite be the same again and we have to learn to cope with that.
This is one of the trade offs for settling down. What you get in return is the chance to develop a deeper emotional and sexual bond with one woman. Conquest is over but adventure begins. But you have to stay on top of your game.
A woman's experience is similar in some ways but in others it is completely different.
On one hand they experience the similar feeling of initial electricity waning as the shiny new toy loses its luster.
However on the other hand, the sexual experience for a woman deepens as the relationship progresses. For her it is not about conquest, for her it is about security. Biologically it is about weaving her web around you to tie you to her, so you will stick around and help her raise the children.
What this means is that for women the sexual experience becomes deeper, more spiritual and more important the more serious the relationship becomes. It's not just about satisfying physical needs, or being close but about expressing the unity of the partnership.
So what she wants is for a man who will meet her in that space. Someone who will take her by the hand and embark on a sexual journey. Someone who is adventurous, someone who will develop their skills in the bedroom, someone who won't stagnate.
Unfortunately many couples let themselves go as the relationship progresses. This includes letting themselves go physically, but they also forget to nurture their sexual desires. They get lazy, they lose attraction and their sex life dies.
How To Maintain The Sexual Spark
1. Always Work On Being Attractive and Masculine
Attraction is something you use just to land a woman in the early stages. You need to continually attract and reaffirm that attraction during the entire relationship.
Consider yourself perpetually courting and romancing your girl, even after you are both committed. The relationship needs to be fun, playful, flirtatious and sexual forever.
It takes two to make this work but you can take the lead.
Do the necessary work to be physically attractive. Be a man of integrity and trust to be emotionally attractive. Maintain your alpha male characteristics so you don't end up being a girlfriend with a penis.
2. Quit Porn
Regularly watching or being addicted to porn drains your sexual energy and makes you lose desire for your real life girl.
The endless supply the internet provides, along with the infinite fantasies, possibilities and women overloads your senses and you become desensitised to sex in the real world. Compared to online, it's no longer exciting.
Quitting porn will do wonders to maintaining your sexual energy and making sure your partner remains attractive.
3. Keep Fit
It's easy to let a relationship be an excuse to let your physical exercise and diet slip. After all she loves you and you have sex on tap, right?
Sure, at first it might seem fine. But after a while if you both let yourself go the spark will die. You need to be working out in order to keep your testosterone levels up. This keeps your desire high and makes sure she desires you.
Women are attracted to masculine strength and she will get fired up at the raw masculine energy you are emitting after a work out.
As well as the physical benefits the discipline, tenacity and character building results of getting strong will stimulate her desire.
4. Take Charge of the Situation
Because sex is so easy at the start of a relationship it's hard to ever imagine that it could change.
But it does, if you let it.
You can't just expect a good sex life to just happen. You need to take charge of the situation and do what needs to be done in order to maintain it.
As long as you view pleasing your woman as an ongoing labor of love and don't get lazy, then you will maintain that sexual spark. Make it a choice.
Relationships begin with tremendous sexual energy. This wave of chemicals is biologically designed to keep the man around for the pregnancy and early stages of raising a child.
After that the attraction does fade but with effort it can be maintained.
If you don't then you risk the slow descent into a sexless relationship and that isn't something that anyone wants, but something that a lot of people get.
If you want to enjoy a great sex life then you need to keep your physical appearance up, continually romance your woman and make sex a priority.