Everyone is a little bit insecure. There is no point pretending that you can become some macho superhero without the faintest hint of insecurity. It is impossible.
At the same time everyone has a little bit of baggage. The relationship you had with your parents, you experiences growing up, your past relationships and in particular your first relationship all have a bearing on who you are and how you interact with people.
So while it is perfectly acceptable to have a small degree of insecurity and a little bit of baggage, serious insecurity and major baggage are huge red flags to a woman.
She wants someone who is emotionally secure and who carries minimal baggage. Why?
Note how three of thing things above are framed as, "she doesn't want."
This is because being secure isn't seen as something hugely desirable, yet insecurity is something hugely off putting.
Being secure is not something you are going to be rewarded for, but rather it is something neutral that is seen as the bare minimum for a solid relationship.
It is one of those things where you don't know what you have got until it's gone. People vary rarely value security in their relationship partner, but they sure notice the draining nature of chronic insecurity.
So this is less about women wanting security and more about women wanting to avoid insecurity. Ultimately it all amounts to the same thing.
If you are secure and with no major baggage, she probably won't notice it for what it is. It will probably be mistaken for confidence, which although quite different, is related.
How To Stop Being Insecure
1. Stop Worrying About The Worst Case Scenario
When you let your fears about the worst case scenario consume your thoughts you are giving into insecurity.
By entering into a relationship you must accept that you will be vulnerable. She could leave you, she could cheat on you, she could hurt you. But you can't live your life in fear.
Assume the best and give her and the relationship the benefit of the doubt.
Stop seeking constant reassurance about yourself and about the relationship and focus on improving yourself as a man and being a desirable partner.
2. Stop Trying To Win Her Approval
The time to win a woman's approval is during those initial courting phases. You are chasing her to get her into bed, and once that happens, she is chasing you to get you into a relationship.
By being a confident, purposeful man who exercises leadership in the relationship you will maintain her affection.
If you try and win her approval with grand romantic gestures, expensive gifts and the like then you put yourself in a position of weakness by seeking her validation and ultimately you end up being possessive.
Again, focus on yourself and become the best man that you can be.
3. Rely On Yourself For Your Wellbeing and Have Space
Insecure men rely on their girlfriend for validation. They can't be happy unless they get that constant reassurance from her.
Only you can be responsible for your own happiness and your own well being. Don't look to her for that.
You need to have the space to concentrate on your life, your goals and your purpose. You are there for her and she is there for you, but you lead your own life. Your lives overlap but only to a point.
4. Let Go Of Past Relationships
Bad experiences or past hurts from previous relationships may be weighing you down in this relationship.
In order to move forward as a confident and secure man you need to purge that baggage that you are carrying.
You need to accept that your ex is your ex for a reason, that the past is the past and that your current partner bears no responsibility for any of your past hurts.
While you cannot undo the past, you do have a choice as to how you want to hold those memories and whether you want to let them continue to burden you.
Women want to feel safe and secure in a relationship.
That means that as a man your job is to provide that safety and security.
If you are insecure, always fearful and always look to her for reassurance then you will be unable to provide that safety and security that she craves.
The solution is to work on overcoming your insecurities.