Women love confident men. It's important in the attraction and dating phase, and it's important to maintain as a relationship progresses.
In fact research shows that men in relationships have a tendency to lose self esteem when their partner achieves more success than them. This isn't to say women shouldn't achieve success, rather it shows just how important is in for men to work on their confidence even when in a long term relationship.
When I talk about confidence I'm not talking about the overconfident, show off, arrogant jerk who rates himself way too highly.
(Anyone who is trying to play that stereotype is going to have some underlying insecurities that are going to reveal themselves in a relationship.)
I'm talking about the quiet confidence that comes from knowing yourself, knowing your path in life, having healthy self esteem and backing yourself to achieve your dreams.
This kind of man is not over the top and flashy, but when a woman gets to know him deeply she finds a very comforting safety in his presence.
So why are women so attracted to confidence?
I am a firm believer that we are all inherently have the ability to be confident. It's just that bad experiences and low self esteem becomes is a barrier that is constructed in your mind. It's not an easy thing to break down and it isn't something that can be changed overnight.
But it's a much healthier mindset than believing you are a guy who will always lack confidence and can never develop it.
How To Be More Confident In Your Relationship
1. Focus On Your Purpose
In the last lesson we talked about having purpose and drive. Making progress in your mission is a sure way to build confidence.
When you feel like you are moving towards a goal and that your life is flowing in the right direction, you feel better about yourself.
2. Get Fit
Getting fit and building strength does wonders for your physical and mental health. It boosts your testosterone, keeps you in shape, fights off depression and makes you look good.
The process you go through to get fit is character building. You need to show up on a regular basis, do the hard work, set and achieve goals and push through physical and mental barriers.
Going through all of that builds massive confidence, which will translate into other areas of your life, including relationships.
3. Show Leadership
A man should be the leader in a relationship. It's a partnership, often compared to a Captain and First Mate. But someone has to be accountable and that is the leader.
Women can and do lead in relationships but they don't really want to.
One good way to build your confidence is to exercise leadership in your relationship.
This includes things like:
- Planning dates
- Decided what movie to watch or where to go to dinner
- Setting the tone in the bedroom
- Setting boundaries in the relationship
- Establishing a vision for the relationship
4. Don't Put Too Much Pressure On The Relationship
A confident man knows he has options and that if a relationship fails he can always leave. He doesn't want to leave but he knows he holds that card in his hand. This takes the pressure off the relationship.
Compare that to the insecure man who is so glad to have finally gotten a girl that he tells himself he will never leave her and does everything he can to please her.
Reminding yourself that you have the power to leave is an important tool. It helps your confidence because it reminds you that you are in charge and that you aren't surrendering your power to the relationship.
If the relationship doesn't work out you don't think that there is something wrong with you, because you maintain your self esteem independently of the relationship. You just accept that it isn't right.
This attitude in fact, makes it more likely that your relationship will succeed, because it takes the pressure off. And it builds your confidence as an independent man.
5. Be Comfortable With Risk And Failure
People lacking confidence avoid risk because they are afraid of failure.
People who are comfortable with failing accept risk and this builds their confidence.
This is true in a relationship, where you have to comfortable that the relationship might fail, in order to have any chance of success. You also have to vulnerable and open yourself up to the risk that you might get hurt.
This is equally true in sport, in business or in any other pursuit.
If you want to become more confident you have to become open to risk and failure.
Women are attracted to confident men and they want them to stay confident throughout the relationship.
It's not much use to put up a front of confidence at the start and then regress into meekness as the relationship develops. You have to truly have a sense of inner confidence.
Building this will develop you as a man and will help you show leadership in your relationship.